#ive been trying to find it but if someone else is able to
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Quick Drawing of Human AU Graffiti Artist Ryan

#sing 2#sing ryan#the dancer boy#human au#jean jacket ryan my beloved#the dance captain pin was annoyingly difficult to figure out the design for tbh#art is hard#sorry this is so rough i am currently sick and adding colour will continue to be my nemesis#this is based off a really old drawing reference saved to my computer from like freshman year of high school#so i am sorry i do not remember the original creator of the reference#ive been trying to find it but if someone else is able to#please let me know
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I was Going to work on some more nugget stuff but then my game got all fucked up and I had to replace a file I hadn't even touched and now I'm having to replace all the equipment I lost by doing so which I don't technically have to do since I have to reason to keep my guys properly equipped since I beat the game already but I Want to and also if I don't I will inevitably forget what they're supposed to wear and then I'll cry and scream
#rat rambles#the file that corrupted was the one that stores story progression abno info and evidently what gear you have so I should count myself lucky#it was super easy to find someone else's 100% save to pluck that file from without damaging anything else#the hard part was finding out that it was that file that broke in the first place I was so scared it was my main save file since that was#what I was fucking with since I wanted to see if I could view dead nugget information in there#thankfully that file didnt break but I did still probably break the other file somehow by tinkering with the main save file#again thankfully everything is fine now but that has definitely made me remember how important backing up files is#anyways the good news is that I do believe dead nuggets are saved in the save file the bad news is I have No idea how to read the data#there sure are numbers that I sure can translate and not know what they mean#not that that's strictly necessary for me to be able to read the numbers since the names are mostly what matter but itd be nice to know#stuff like stats and appearance#oh also as a part of my panic I may have removed some mods that I need to re add now 😔#ah well. could be worse. Way worse.#to be fair it wouldn't completely be the end of the world if I had corrupted my save since Ive beaten the game already but it would have#been close and I would have been devastated and I would have cried hard. so cheers to me not having to do that 🎉#this is knox's fault I just wanted to know his stats since they died during the binah fight and I didnt feel like doing a memory repository#but all my other guys have their stats in my nugget doc now except for them and its been bugging me#should have been safer about trying to find it tho#anyways now that that scare is done time to back up my files this time and Then try to find knox stats
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zzzzzz
#soooo tired.. today was a lot of fun (outdoor boulderiny yayy) but also a LOT I was out literally 9-5. full work day#did some cool stuff tho.... harder stuff than i thought i was capable of n got the beta on a couple challenges that no one else did#actually got one that the instructor hadnt managed to do before which made me feel B-)#i just love problem solving routes like ik my technical knowledge is sometimes lacking but i have a good innate sense for it#i couldnt explain how i figure out how to do smth but the creativity of it is mmmmmm. i rly miss being artistically creative like i havent#really done much for a while but i guess climbing is currently a bit of an outlet for that for me like its a similar kind of stimulation#and i like coming up w beta n then watching someone else use the same. nothing better than a team send#might look into some low level instructor quals next year. or taking courses bc id love to know more technical shit#or at least be able to name technique i instinctively use so i can describe things better#anyway think my roommate might be annoyed at me but idk its probably nothing to do with me. been finding it so hard to read her lately#but might just be projecting. ive felt lonely lately so maybe im imagining distance between myself + others that others dont rly perceive#bc ik i have a habit of that sometimes. i dont knooow. but thats ok. we're all just trying to get by#and maybe ill have my needs met someday and be able to express myself and ill stop feeling so alone in tha world....#anywayyyy gotta shower and then ill watch smth...... feels so much later than it is im so sleepyyy#.diaries
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oh yeah i also have walking pneumonia that isn't getting better with antibiotics and they had to draw my blood and i had to get stabbed with the needle 3 times because they couldnt get a vein and i almost lost consciousness on the second try and i had to be kept from passing out and then my doctor tried to prescribe something that i cannot take with my other medications without risk of death or seizures (which will kill me if i ever have another one) so i think she's trying to poison me and the antibiotics she gave me arent working so yeah thats fun
#sometimes i just think about how my death would be imminent if i had another seizure and it could literally happen anytime#the chances of that are astronomically low because i havent had one in 16 years and ive been medicated for it ages ago#but if i had one. it very likely wouldn't stop on its own. which kills/permanently disables people in minutes.#i just think about that a lot. and like nobody ever talks about it. i almost died from two major seizures as a little child#which likely increased my developmental delays and caused trauma/repressed memories. and nobody ever talks about it#i thought about trying to find someone who could live with me and would therefore be able to keep an eye on me while im not w family#but i don't really feel intense qplatonic or romantic feelings for anyone anymore. like i can barely feel love in general (except 4 maisy)#(and also patty) it wouldn't be fair to anyone else if i entered a committed relationship while just being a void of nothingness#i need some kind of support worker but that's just such a hassle to obtain one and i jst dont have the mental clarity atm to Do That#needles tw#medical tw#ask to tag#evie.txt ♡
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You had never seen him look so utterly human before
Laid up amongst the scratchy, thin sheets of the hospital bed, with only a plain surgical mask covering the bottom half of his face, everything else above Ghost’s shoulders exposed to your eyes for the first time, while his own eyes have been shut for nearly four days straight now
You had never seen your Lieutenant without the signature mask that haunts the dreams of even the deadliest foreign mercenaries, had never seen him look anything less than intimidating, commanding, powerful without so much as even trying to, his presence alone striking fear into those who’ve heard whispers of the fearsome Ghost
Now however, with an IV hooked up to his arm and a nurse that comes to check on his vitals periodically, it’s hard to picture him as such a gruesome soldier, rather than a simple man who bleeds like any other human
In spite of the evident vulnerable position he finds himself in, his pale skin appearing nearly translucent under the harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital, there was no denying that Ghost remained someone to be feared
A particularly nasty blow to the head during a field op gone wrong had knocked the burly soldier out cold, and though doctors were optimistic he would make a full recovery, they couldn’t exactly tell the extent of the damage done until he woke up
You and the men that made up the remainder of the 141 had been taking turns remaining by his side, not wanting for Ghost to wake up alone, whenever that would be exactly
You wonder how he would feel about this, the fact that you are currently the one on shift for the unofficial rotation of visitors who’ve stuck by his bedside throughout his injury
You’re well aware of the fact that the Lieutenant doesn’t like you, has never liked you, and probably never will, though you’ve never been able to get a straight answer as to why
From the moment you’d met him, he’d been cold to you, distant, making no effort to get to know you nor welcome you to the team, opposite to the way the Sergeants and Captain had welcomed you with open arms and hearts
No matter how much you poked and prodded at them for an answer, some sort of inclination as to what you could possible have done wrong to have Ghost dislike you so much, the men always bit their tongues
You saw the way they exchanged knowing glances and sly smirks, believing they were being more cunning than they really were, insisting to you with carefully chosen words that it wasn’t something you should worry about too much, that the LT had a different way of expressing his feelings than most
“So long as he doesn’t wake up and want to ‘express his feelings’ by punching me in the face for being the first thing he opens his eyes to.” You thought to yourself, glancing up from your book at his still sleeping form, shaking your head at your silly thought
No, he’d never been particularly kind to you, but he’d also never gone out of his way to be cruel to you either you supposed
Perhaps he found you to be more of a nuisance than anything else, a pest he couldn’t seem to swat away hard enough, an annoying pimple he couldn’t quite pop
Your eyes scanned over his face once more, cursing whatever Gods might be listening that the man hiding beneath that Ghost facade had to be so … intriguing
You could see old scars running across his face, some of them peeking out from under the surgical mask while others ran across his brow, his crooked nose evident even under the fabric of the mask
He was handsome in his own, rugged way, a fact you were displeased to learn when you first saw him laying here, switching off with Soap who’d been sat at his side earlier
Ghost may not care for you, not that he had given you many reasons or chances to care for him, but you cared about your remaining members of the task force, and knew how important Ghost was to them, and so for the 141, you’d do your duty and care for a Ghost who apparently wanted no such love and tenderness from you
You looked the large man over, brows furrowing when your eyes landed on his neck, noting that the pillow supporting his head was getting a little flat
You stood from your chair, setting your book down, and approched him carefully, almost as though any sudden movements would somehow wake the comatose man from his slumber
As gently as you could, you attempted to adjust the pillow behind him to hopefully be more comfortable, quickly realizing just how heavy he was when he was nothing more than dead weight
You slowly slipped your hands behind his shoulders, pulling him forward as best as you could until you were able to adjust the pillow one handed
Slipping your hands back down his shoulders to ease him back into the bed, your palms naturally ending up sliding onto the back of his neck, the tips of your fingers brushing against the hair at the base of his skull, an involuntary shiver running through you at what you realized too late was a bit of an intimate touch with a man who’d been touch starved for years
It was hard to say who was more stunned at first, with how quickly things transpired, when you suddenly felt a pair of strong hands reaching up to grip your wrists and hold them in place
You hadn’t even realized you had let out a gasp as your eyes flicked down and met none other than Ghost’s own wide open orbs only inches away from you, staring right at you as though he was seeing a ghost
Stunned into silence, worried that you truly were about to end up on the receiving end of Ghost’s anger for having invaded his space like that, you barely had enough time to process that he’d somehow woken from his coma when his grip on your wrists tightened further, and somehow, whether it was a trick of the light or you imagination, his gaze softened before his scratchy, out of use voice said:
“Love.”
Your ears were ringing, hardly taking notice of the way a flurry of alarms and bells had gone off as soon as Ghost had woken up, his heart rate soaring through the roof and alerting staff
Medical personnel rushed into the room before you could wrap your mind around any of what was happening, Ghost’s grip on your never loosening until the doctor finally approached you both, sensing the tension in the air
“Lieutenant Riley,” the man said, gently landing a hand in Ghost’s bicep to hopefully help him ease his strong grip on you. “Let her go.”
His grip on you disappeared instantly, as though your skin had suddenly burned him, but his eyes never wavered from your own, even as he began mumbling unintelligibly beneath his medical mask
“What was that?” The doctor asked, trying to bring calm back to the room and ease Ghost into a state where he could be properly examined
“My girl.” The Lieutenant’s gravelly voice echoed throughout the sterile room
“Pardon?”
“My girl.” Ghost repeated, never once breaking eye contact with your now widened eyes
“Do- do you know who this is, Lieutenant?” The doctor posed the question, slowly gesturing towards you with a confusion that was spreading amongst you all
“‘Course I do.” Ghost spoke with certainty. “That’s my love.”
Part two
#written on my phone quickly not proofread but posting with my heart#love love looove a good coma and post-coma love confession#call of duty fic#simon ghost riley#simon riley#call of duty#call of duty fanfic#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost x reader#cod fanfic#ghost x you#cod simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost fanfic#call of duty ghost#ghost cod#cod simon riley#readwritealldayallnight#simon riley x you#simon ghost riley x you#simon fluff#simon riley fluff#cod fic#simon ghost riley fluff#ghost#cod fluff
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Can I request Mark in subspace with a kryptonian like reader after a long day as a hero?
Mark Grayson x Kryptonian male reader
Headcanons
Yall heard about season 3 of invincible? Anybody else as excited as me? This request is kinda old, but ive kept it until now. I write when I got inspo and time, and my school and internships taken all my energy out of me, but life goes on.
Being a hero was hard, both you and Mark knew that. You were a kryptonian, somehow having ended up in this universe because of a dimension scrambling situation, like flashpoint or similar.
For one reason or another, you stay on earth and start dating Mark, the two of you first growing close in the beginning because your powers were so similar. He truly and completely fell in love with you when you wrecked Anissa, since Kryptonians main weakness is kryptonite, and it most likely doesn’t exist in this world.
You two dating allows Mark to feel actually small and weak again, like he doesn’t have to carry the entire fate of the universe on his shoulders, since physically you are stronger than him, more sturdy, with more powers.
Being able to let go is something Mark hasn’t been able to do since he got his powers, as he’s always felt like he needed to be on edge and ready for everything.
But then you waltzed in, grabbed his hand, and dragged him out, put him on his knees, and made him cockwarm you till his head was so nice, warm and floaty.
Well, in reality it was more you guys flirting and spending a lot of time together, leading to Mark mentioning he had never sucked anyone off before, and you offering to let him try on you. He tried in the beginning, he really did, but Mark realizes how good it feels in his mouth.
You knew at least enough about subspace to safely take care of Mark as his bopping head slows down and his eyes become almost foggy, his shoulders slumping as weight he hadn’t even thought about being there went away.
Having your hand run through his hair, his nose pressed against the smattering of hair above your cock, no expectations and no hero work, made his head feel silent in what felt like too long. He could have almost cried, if you had not wiped his tears away and cooed down at him.
After that, you two started officially dating. To everyone else you guys were just dating. To powerful juggernauts who were only able to find comfort in someone who was like themselves.
And yes, that was part of it. There was no need to be careful with a guy as strong as yourself. There was also just the fact that you two got along and had a lot in common, which gave you guys more than enough to talk about.
Though, there was one thing about your relationship what was somewhat out of the norm. like the fact that Mark wore a cock cage most days, as well as a nice sturdy plug. It hadn’t even been you to offer the idea in the beginning but Mark himself, since the pressure and weight made him feel almost secure.
There was also the fact that Mark would come home from long missions, crawling into your apartment through the window, and laying down on your lap. Be that lying completely on your lap, or just laying his head on your thighs so you could play with his hair.
It was more common than you liked that you had days where you would need to undress him and bathe him since he was so tired, and just wanted to be pampered. Mark always got so nice and pliant, leaning against you and kissing at your neck as you move him about.
On days where it was a normal patrol, being cuddled and kissed like every other day was good enough. But on days when things had been rough, Mark truly would want to get out of his head.
That was when the cage and plug he wore got put to use, so it was there as comfort, but also a sign of your dominance and control over him. And if that wasn’t enough, your strength was enough to overpower him, even when he wanted to be bratty and fight back.
Some days he would get bratty, when Mark felt like he needed to be punished, or just wanted it to hurt a little more. You were probably one of the few beings in the universe that could spank him till he cried, and you were definingly the only one he wanted to do it.
Some days he needed to be bent over your lap, your super strength so easily holding him in place as you tanned his hide until it was such a nice glowing red, and his sobs were loud enough to make the glass in your windows shudder.
Other days, Mark craved a different type of heat. Luckily you could control your heat vision enough to burn just enough to leave a mark, but not enough to hurt him more than needed.
On the opposite side of that, were days when you wanted to shake it up, instead using your ice breath. It was extremely effective when used against his chest, where his nipples got so hard Mark would cry just from having them touched. Or when you needed him soft to get the cage on him, nothing quite like a cold blowjob.
But, on most days, Mark was well behaved and just wanted to be loved and held, sometimes fucked, sometimes he wanted to do the fucking, but. Being loved was what mattered the most.
There were times when all he needed to get into subspace was being held in your arms, and other days you two needed to spar. His favorite would always be your cock in his mouth, in any way you would offer it to him.
Mark knew he could always safeword, so he would go for as long as he physically could, and it honestly helped him get better at holding his breath, since Kryptonians rivaled Viltrumites in size and thickness.
Mark loved coming to you and giving up control, even if it was only for an hour or two. There were days when that was all he needed, to just know there was someone there to take charge of him, who would be proud of him and worry for him, and not his powers.
#male reader#kryptonian male reader#mark grayson#invincible#invincible comic#mark grayson x male reader#mark grayson x reader#mark grayson imagine#mark grayson headcanon#invincible x male reader#invincible x reader#invincible imagine#invincible headcanon#invincible season 2#invincible season 3
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Jello! so ive been reading a lot of your works this week, they are so good holy hell! I love the way you write CoD characters in a way that doesn't mischaracterize them.
So I was wondering if you could do COD men dealing with a reader who has awful adhd burnout?? After months of being visibly "hyper" and talkative they just shutdown and sometimes tend to lay in bed for days on end, even not being able to eat cause they get so down? Its not like they are lazy but its obvious they get extremely mentally and physically drained?
This is one of my first ever requests so if u dont wanna do this that's alright, u can ignore this lol. I hope ur having a great day or week :P
woahhh, thank you!! im rlly happy you enjoy my hcs and how i write characters, it takes me a while but i see the effort is worth it :D <33
=͟͟͞♡ Price, Ghost, Soap, Gaz, Roach, Alejandro, Rudy, Phillip Graves, Makarov, Keegan, König, Horangi, Nikto
COD Men w/ Reader who has adhd burnout
:‹ Price would one day come home to find the house a little messy; maybe some chores haven't been done or there's just silence. He walks in to find you lying in bed, the tv isn't on, no music or any signs of you occupying yourself with anything. It seems you aren't asleep either though. He doesn't directly ask you why you haven't done anything, instead he greets you like usual; in his tender, loving way. He presses a kiss against your temple as he gently murmurs a greeting. You startle a bit, not having noticed him there. You thought it was still early morning, not having taken note of how the day went by and you couldn't get started on anything. It's always been a little difficult but at least you had some sort of initiative, now, you feel like you can't even think of what to do first. But he doesn't pressure you, instead enveloping you in a comfort you can recharge in.
:‹ Simon had picked up on your recent feelings of being overwhelmed; you had a hard time thinking and couldn't even do tasks. He had become cautious; not needing to ask or pry to know he had to provide some support for you. Even more when he noticed you didn't stay up an extra hour to enjoy your favorite hobby and instead went straight to sleep. It felt like you couldn't get enough rest, the night would pass by quickly and still your mind felt foggy; unable to clear for the next day ahead. Simon knew any small change would feel like too much for you right now, you could barely handle your current schedule. You just needed to recharge a bit, and he completely understood that. While he preferred staying productive he wouldn't push that onto you, if anything he would take care of some things until you felt ready to help too.
:‹ Johnny isn't great at reading you. He does his best at picking up cues on your behavior, but it really is difficult if you're just closing your eyes, trying to breathe without letting your emotions get the upper hand again. You've withdrawn; only switching from laying in bed, covered in blankets to your little space where you usually enjoy your hobbies like drawing, writing or listening to music.. but even that feels like too much. You can't even think clearly. You're so tired and you wish to sleep, but your dreams are restless and you wake up. Johnny misses you when you close up like this, he loves hearing you talk and go on for hours on end about your day or whatever other topics you ricochet to and from. But he is caring and considerate. He won't push anything onto you, or ask too many questions that might disturb you. He knows you've always been a hard worker, so he'll let you rest for a long time. And he'll be waiting to hear your enthusiastic voice again when you're feeling better.
:‹ Kyle would gently encourage you to ask for help if you feel like you really need it. Of course, he wouldn't say it right away, he would give you time and try his best to be the supporting partner that you need him to be. Eventually, out of worry he'll try to get you to talk about it with him or someone else if that's what you are most comfortable with. When you do try to take on tasks or things you need to do, he makes sure you take breaks and time to relax again if you are starting to get overwhelmed. The last thing he'd want is for you to get restarted on the cycle and go back to being unable to do anything. Not because he dislikes seeing you do nothing but because he knows how you get when you can't do anything. You almost blame yourself for feeling like this, and he wishes you could talk to him more about it. But he does what he can in helping you. He just wants you to feel alright.
:‹ Roach isn't much to talk and prefers to just sit in silence and admire you with puppy eyes when you talk. Literally how y'all spent quality time together. Naturally, he'd be alarmed at the fact that you've completely quiet and won't speak. It's been more than 24 hours and you're still in bed, not really turning to look at him and just staring into space or trying to sleep. At first, he may think you're upset at him, perhaps he did something wrong. But then he takes notice of the fatigue in your eyes, how you can barely answer him when he softly asks a question. You don't want to be treating him like this, but it's just so hard to regulate and let alone express how you feel right now. You can barely begin to describe this feeling before being able to form a sentence. Thankfully, he isn't one to take things to heart too soon because he places your feelings over his. He can see it has nothing to do with him by the way you let him lie close to you. You will be fine for now like this since he's so understanding.
:‹ Alejandro may find it hard to understand or see things from your perspective. You were fine a couple days ago; why the sudden change? You've been in this repeating cycle that you can't break out of and it has you sick. You try doing things for him, try to get yourself together but nothing is working. You can barely function and he notices this, thinks something is deeply wrong as it disturbs him to see you like this. He's immediately dropping anything he was planning on doing or asking of you to instead find out what's wrong. You weren't planning on really telling him and just shrugging him off but he asked if you needed anything and you hesitated. He can ready you pretty well so he nodded, as if there was an exchange of words in that silence. He told you to take it easy and encouraged you to rely on him as much as you needed to. It was refreshing to feel that coming from him.
:‹ Rodolfo would require some self control to not go overboard on the caretaking. He already likes doing everything for you, but when you're unable to get anything done it can be overbearing to see him want to solve everything as soon as he can. Your attempts to push him away make him realize that he needs to take a different approach. Yes, your health is important but he also needs to know how you feel. He takes a moment to listen to you if you feel ready to express your feelings. He tries to help you figure out what exactly is causing you to feel drained, maybe it was something that happened recently that you've been thinking about too much. Perhaps you just needed some time to winddown after being focused for so long on certain tasks. He still continues to care for you but also steps back some if you need some space to breath.
:‹ Phillip is always praising you for how well you treat him, all you do for him and nod along to anything you say. But feeling like you've been lacking in a department you can't quite name have taken over instead. It's not anything he's said or done that have necessarily made you feel this way. There's been no motivation to fuel you or keep you from even doing what you love. Since you can't get anything done you feel down and Phillip has taken notice. He can be soft and gentle with you. He'll ask why you haven't done something and it might make you feel worse but it truly wasn't his intention. If you don't answer he'll be okay with that too. He doesn't require a reason from you. He's always wanted you to be happy and content; it's been his motivation since you've gotten together. Obviously, he'd be wanting to intervene if he notices you being visibly upset.
:‹ Makarov isn't always around as much as you'd like him to be. So, it can sometimes be very confusing to him to leave with you being very talkative and energetic to coming back and you're suddenly very quiet. He notices how low energy you are, and he worries thinking you might be sick. It's not often he gets to see you like this unless something is wrong so he's asking what happened, if you've come down with something and might even suggest going to the doctor. Since he's noticed your physical signs of burnout he takes those as indications that you're sick. He takes more notice and worry about your headaches and pain rather than the way you clench your jaw or your obvious anxious self. Don't get him wrong, he wants to help but may not know how to give it correctly.
:‹ Keegan is used to seeing you be up and about; here and there switching from one activity to another. So he's never worried about keeping you occupied while he's away or busy. But seeing you so still and unmotivated makes him feel disturbed. Like there's something wrong but he can't put a finger on it. His mind won't immediately go to different possibilities, instead he'll want to take some sort of action but first he'll assess the situation. It's obvious there's something more troubling than just fatigue gnawing at you. You seem tired mentally too. Poor guy has been there before but he won't compare to how you feel. He values your feelings so much more and he won't ever fully know how you feel or think but the best he can do is try, right? He'll be as patient as he can to try and understand. And it's the most effort anyone has ever made for you.
:‹ König would get so worried if he noticed you weren't eating or taking care of yourself. Like you're so tired, you feel spent and can't seem to get an ounce of energy from sleeping, so you don't even bother getting up to grab anything to eat. You've only drank from the half empty water cups and bottles on your nightstand which have probably started to accumulate dust by now. König doesn't know what to do with you. He tries showing you his phone, silently asking if you want to order some takeout but you shake your head. You probably won't finish it, and you feel like it's unfair to him. He's not much of a cook but he manages to make something simple and leave it at your bedside to see if you'll at least nibble on it. You think he's waiting for you to get up soon but he stays beside you, keeping you company. He just wants to make sure you don't sink deeper and be alone during this.
:‹ Horangi knows how certain things may be difficult for you to do but that's why you two have a routine curated for you. So when he notices you acting so unusual he goes to address it right away. It's not done with the intention to get you working right away but rather to keep your feelings in check, since he knows it's likely feelings that have been brewing for some time. You've had to put in double the work and effort to be the person you are today, and he knows it wouldn't be fair to disregard your feelings to label you as "lazy" just because you feel overwhelmed. Perhaps things have been unbalanced for some time and that is why you're like this. He'll readjust anything to your current needs to get you to feeling better in no time. Won't ever overload you with responsibilities if you don't feel ready yet. He's your partner for a reason; he doesn't mind.
:‹ Nikto assumed you were coming down with a cold or something. He's not the best at noticing things, if he slows down and cares enough to pay attention you'll find that he can be quite observative at times though. "You're not sick", he'll say standing at your bedside after you've skipped dinner again. You would at least reach out for the warm tea that he has offered, but you can't bring yourself to touch the mug and leave it to cool on the nightstand. He asks if you want to do something and you say you're not in the mood when usually you'd pounce at the opportunity to do anything with him. He can't help but feel a little wounded, but this is no time to wallow in his feelings when clearly you've got more of those than he does. He's not good enough with words to provide encouragement or give you a burst of energy through communication. But his silent attempts of aid should work with time.
#captain john price#price x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#john soap mactavish#soap x reader#kyle gaz garrick#gaz x reader#gary roach sanderson#roach x reader#alejandro vargas cod#alejandro x reader#rodolfo parra#rodolfo x reader#phillip graves x reader#vladimir makarov#makarov x reader#keegan x reader#keegan p russ#konig x reader#kim horangi hong jin#horangi x reader#andre nikto#nikto x reader#cod fanfic#cod headcanons
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would you ever write something fluffy with drunk reader? or some other variation of that trope, your ideas and writing are always so good
ok babes, i gotchu - im bringing back tupperware!joe bc ive gotten a couple of requests for him too and i thought he'd fit the bill for this one! lets not mention that i shouldnt be writing atm, hope you enjoy! Wordcount: 3.8K
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Only When You're Spinning
You’re out.
Together.
Not at a party, not exactly. But definitely a party-adjacent gathering in a converted warehouse flat where the floorboards creak and there’s a suspiciously placed disco ball. A friend of a friend of Joe’s who’d grown up with too much money to not turn weirdly artsy and eccentric had invited him.
Yea… it actually totally is a party, but that’s not what Joe said when he asked you to come.
You weren’t going to go – you had already mentally committed to a night of pasta and pajamas – but then Joe asked, and he looked very handsome when he did, and, you see, you have precious little resistance when it comes to Joe and the way his mouth curves around your name when he’s looking you in the eye.
“We’re having a normal week, aren’t we? Come on. Let’s go. Come with me.”
Normal week meaning: Joe got to be a real life couple with you in every sense of the word, and you hadn’t fully squirmed away from all of it for a good few days.
He knows that eventually there’s going to be a tipping point where he’ll touch your ear and suddenly you won’t be able to make eye contact with him for a while.
“Okay, fine.”
This party might actually do it, Joe realises when he sees you hold yourself together as you drink a tepid cocktail out of a jam jar, answering questions a stranger is asking you about Joe because you’re an item now. Joe hopes you’re going to ride this wave of public normalcy for a bit longer though, but there’s only so much you’re able to handle.
Joe sees how quickly you’re draining that drink.
Sees how you’re evading giving detailed answers.
Sees how you grow a little more nervous as two other people step into your conversation.
Sees how your shoulders drop when the topic changes and the attention shifts to someone else.
Sees how you try not to visibly flinch while a man in a leather waistcoat steers the conversation to the symbolism of his tattoo sleeve. You didn’t think there could be anything worse than being questioned about Joe, but, you’ve just been proven royally wrong. You’re not sure which of the symbols represents ‘involuntary celibacy,’ but it’s probably the one he won’t shut up about.
Yea, Joe will have to be a bit more generous with distance after this, he thinks.
You’re not even aware of Joe’s prying eyes, observing you from across the room. You think maybe he’s somewhere in the kitchen. Or the hallway. Or trapped in a conversation about horror tropes with the only other person here who’s seen The Descent more than once.
You’d go and find him, but there’s a strange safety in not being stood next to him.
You’re not worried. Joe’s got a way of always finding his way back to you, and when he does, it’s like the room tilts toward him.
It’s getting later, and you end up with an actual friend who seems to think everyone is just as pretentious as you think they are. A couple more drinks get made, and before you know it, you’re actually enjoying yourself. Or, to put it a little more accurately: you’re getting drunk.
You’re in the middle of a weird game where you have to estimate how much money someone named Matt would be willing to pay to have sex with his celebrity crush according to someone named Jill. You don’t know Matt or Jill, and you don’t fully know if you’ve understood the rules of this weird game correctly, but you’re giggling away when suddenly, two arms wrap around you from behind.
Warm palms move slowly over your stomach from where they grabbed onto you by your hips.
Joe’s surprised you don’t flinch at all.
You’re loose-limbed and warm, most likely from the amount of drinks you’ve had, and then you even place a hand over the arms that he’s got around your waist to keep him there.
It’s strange to anticipate a reaction that he knows you would’ve given had you not been intoxicated, and to instead be fully allowed to tug you into his chest and land his chin on your shoulder like it lives there.
He’ll take it though, obviously.
Loves that this is something that he can just do now if he catches you in the right mood.
And then… you lean back.
Joe has to suppress a gasp.
He can’t fucking believe it.
You’ve become part of a little group of people and you’re leaning into him without even thinking about it, eyewitnesses galore.
A public display of affection.
A real public display of romantic affection that you’re accepting without a squirm or an eye-roll.
Joe wants to gift you the entire world for it.
Wants to thank you for not shoving an elbow into his ribs.
Wants to kiss you all over the side of your face.
Pull you into that one tiny bedroom that served as a makeshift cloakroom for the night.
Show his appreciation for you even coming with him in the first place.
But, at the same time, he feels like he can’t make a big deal out of your little lean, or of the fingernails that are slowly scratching over his forearms that are giving him goosebumps. You don’t need a big push to take it all away immediately.
“Do you think that Jill thinks that Matt would pay over 50K to fuck Cate Blanchett?” you ask, pulling Joe into whatever you’re talking about.
“I– what? Surely anyone would fuck Cate for free, no?”
There’s a couple of laughs, and the game continues around you as you turn in Joe’s arms a little.
“I’m... no, it’s about what Jill thinks,” you blink slowly, then frown in confusion. “I’m not sure I explained that right, actually…”
“Are you having fun?”
You are, actually.
“Yea, I am…”
Joe took you to a party and you’re actually having fun. What a wild turn of events. It’s almost a shame that you’re having it without Joe.
“Where’ve you been all night? You disappeared.”
“No I didn’t. You left me with a man who thinks ‘A24’ is a genre.”
You huff a laugh. “My deepest apologies.”
“Hmm… I expect restitution.”
“Oh?” you raise an eyebrow. “And what would that entail?”
“I think you can think of something.” Joe leans close to get his mouth on your ear where he lets his teeth graze the soft skin of your earlobe.
You choke on a laugh and give his chest a small push, but he’s already grinning into your shoulder like he knows he’s gotten away with something. Joe has to stop falling deeper in love with you but finds it’s an impossible task since he’s already fallen. It’s also an impossible task to stop sharing exactly what he’s feeling through his eyes.
Joe’s had a couple drinks too.
And he’s still got both his arms wrapped around your frame. Even if you wanted to leave, Joe’s got you trapped, and so he lets his face just do what it wants to for a moment.
You’re not a fan of these gazes Joe gives you.
Soft, adoring type stuff.
Joe knows it, but does it anyway.
You’re lucky you know a very easy and quick way out.
It’s not much – just a brush of your knuckles against the place where his collarbone meets his throat. Your fingers linger there, just for a second.
His reaction is immediate.
Less subtle than he thinks and definitely unmistakable to you: a sharp inhale, the twitch of a muscle in his jaw, the way his grip around you tightens just slightly.
It’s a little static buzz of tension, already gone before anyone else might notice, and just as casually has he’d walked up, Joe leaves again. Goes to find his friend again, because he can’t be around you when you’ll do shit to make him hard. In public. At his friend’s flat. It’s unfair that you don’t mind playing dangerous games like that and even more unfair that it forces Joe to be the adult in the room so often.
You smile into your drink and a triumphant feeling sits warm in your chest.
“Three hundred thousand pounds?” you hear someone suggest, followed by outraged reactions coming from the rest and you easily fall back into this game with these people you would’ve never crossed paths with on your own.
Later, when the flat starts to empty out and the host turns on the big lights, Joe appears at your side again, your jacket and his in hand, and nods toward the makeshift cloakroom.
“Can’t find your scarf, come help me find it,” he says, and for an actor, it’s shockingly easy to put together that he just wants to get you away from everyone else.
You don’t even pretend to protest.
The room is barely big enough for both of you. It smells like fabric softener and someone’s bad cologne. You don’t even get the chance to pretend to look for your scarf. Joe immediately crowds you back into the wall, dropping both your coats to place his arms on either side of your head. He’s got a look in his eyes like he’s still thinking about your fingers on his neck.
“Oh, you’re trouble,” you tell him, already breathless. “Okay, come on. Quick.” You think if you’re quiet and fast, you should be able to make Joe come before the next person comes looking for their coat.
But you’re stopped as Joe dips his head and noses at your jaw. “I want,” he says, voice rough, “to take my time with you.”
You shiver, full-body and involuntary, knowing that whatever Joe is starting now won’t finish until much, much later. Two sides of the same coin; you both want it, but where you want it hard and fast, Joe’s one to really drag things out. To play, and tease, and, if you allow it, to edge you for hours. It’s not unlike Joe to start something just to see how you react, and then to not actually finish at all...
“Ugh, you’re going to be so mean to me,” you slur through a groan, even though your knees are already half-thinking about early retirement.
Joe kisses the hinge of your jaw. “No, not mean, don’t worry. I’m going to be so gentle with you.”
And somehow, that’s worse.
Because he is so gentle.
Too gentle.
He kisses down your throat like it’s sacred.
Like it’s his.
Like he’s trying to map you by the touch of his mouth alone.
It’s all slow and reverent; his hands, though warm and firm, never stray beyond your waist. There’s no frantic grabbing, no rush – only this maddening restraint that makes you want to scream.
It’s devastating.
When his mouth finds your ear, that stupidly sensitive place you wish he didn’t know about, he presses his mouth there, hot and open. It makes you gasp loudly, almost startled.
He pulls back immediately. “Too much?”
“N-no,” you say, all dazed and somehow out of breath already. “Just– Jesus.”
Joe smirks, barely contained. “That a safe word? Jesus?”
You swat him again, half-hearted, and try to will oxygen back into your lungs. You might be a little drunker than you’d planned on getting tonight...
Joe’s a monster. A soft, careful, devastating monster who knows exactly where to put his mouth to make you forget your name and will then make you look him in the eye right after.
He’s not even doing it to be sexy – not entirely. There’s something else in it. Something deeper. Something closer to worship than seduction.
You hate that it feels so good.
“Joe,” you whisper, desperate and dizzy. “You can’t just– this isn’t–���
He hums against your skin, knowing that he’s playing with fire here. He’ll likely find his fingers burned come sunrise, but he can’t help be so content with how you’re responding to him in the moment, drunk or not.
“I said restitution, didn’t I?”
You whimper.
There’s something that happens to you when he whispers in your ear like that, and you’re just drunk enough where you’re unable to hide the effect it’s got on you.
Joe leans back a little to scan your face, and he’s smiling, loves a little look behind the curtain, to see the parts you won’t show him willingly. Loves when you get soft and open and relaxed… but he needs to make sure you’re not too drunk.
Joe knows too-drunk you. She gets very excited about getting her clothes off – not that different from sober-you if he’s being honest – but she always falls asleep before she’s wrestled her top off. Joe likes too-drunk you. Too-drunk you loves to snuggle, which is still something sober-you really struggles with.
“Hey,” you murmur when Joe’s not kissed you for five seconds. “Whisper in my ear again.”
So you’re not too drunk, but you’re definitely close. Joe can tell by how pink your cheeks are, and how slurred your speech is. He decides he’ll have to see how you’re feeling when you get back home to determine if he will give you what you want, of if he can just go ahead and take what he wants.
“Yea? You like when I whisper in your ear?”
“Yea, no. No. I don’t. I do, but you can’t tell anyone.”
Joe has to bite his lower lip to keep from laughing, then leans close and with his knee in between your legs, he feeds pressure and then whispers, “You’re ridiculous.” before stepping back and letting you go.
You can’t help the shuddery breath that leaves you before you quickly respond, “Your mum’s ridiculous!” because you’re a child, obviously, and you don’t want Joe to stop whatever it is that he just started, but then you immediately regret it.
“No, no! Wait. I didn’t say that. I’m sure your mum’s lovely, never tell her– you’ve never heard that. Say– say to me you didn’t hear that.”
Joe’s laughing as he moves one coat aside to reveal the scarf he very obviously hid there.
“Didn’t hear what?” he says, already pretending he doesn’t know what you mean, but you miss the joke and go to explain yourself. You’re lucky you quickly get shut up by Joe, because he’s got your scarf, and the car’s probably here, and let’s make sure you make it into the car without falling over or accidently insulting his entire family.
You nearly trip when you have to take a small step down by the door. Joe’s grip on you tightens as he lowly laughs and mutters, “Jesus, are you all right?”
And you are, you think. Yea, your balance is terrible, but for whatever reason you think it’s really funny that you nearly tripped. Think it’s hilarious that you have trouble standing up right without swaying. Fucking hysterical that Joe probably had the same amount to drink as you had, yet he seems unaffected.
You hold onto the sleeve of his jacket because you actually think you might faceplant into the pavement if you don’t.
“How drunk am I?” you ask, as you lean into him.
Joe doesn’t answer at first, scared his heart might burst because of all this leaning that’s happening tonight. He takes a moment to look at you down the line of his nose and then, with a tilt of his head, he says, “You’re sort of… tipsy with a twist.”
That’s mildly put.
“Of lime?”
He blinks at you, then slowly smiles. “Yea, sure, why not.”
Joe helps you onto the backseat, which feels completely unnecessary but is deeply appreciated. You buckle up as the world sways, both outside and inside of the car. Before you know it, you’ve got a warm palm on your knee.
Not weird-warm.
Steady-warm.
You would have said something if you weren’t so focused on the fact that the backseat keeps shifting ever so slightly to the left.
The Uber ride is quiet, lazy. Joe presses your hand between both of his like he’s trying to warm it, thumb stroking absentmindedly along your knuckles. You watch his profile in the streetlights and think about how insufferably contradicting it is to want someone this much and to then also really struggle with holding hands.
You end up back at your place where you kick your feet in the hallway upon entering, but your shoes don’t come off at all. You follow the unsuccessful move with a near-faceplant on your way to the sofa.
Joe follows like some sort of long-suffering babysitter, except, he’s smiling. A lot.
You plop down and blink up at him.
There’s a pause. A too-long one. You don’t trust silences with Joe, because they always feel like they mean something.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask.
Joe shrugs. “You’re pink-cheeked. It suits you.”
“Because of the alcohol,” you say quickly.
He hums again, noncommittal. Doesn’t look away. You feel warm.
“Thanks for coming with me tonight. I know you didn’t want to.”
“I never s-said that.” you say quickly, brown so deeply furrowed it becomes adorable and makes Joe wants to kiss it.
The next part is fuzzy.
Not gone, not blacked out, but soft.
Blurred like you’ve dropped water on a painting.
You think you’ve walked to the bedroom on your own, but you can’t be sure. You definitely didn’t take your clothes off by yourself though... but you’re lying down. In your bed. And you think Joe’s beside you, arm tucked behind your back like he’s afraid you might roll off.
You’re talking.
Saying things you wouldn’t say sober. Or rather, you’re letting the things you always think leak out in syrupy, slurred ways.
Joe knows if you remember even a little of it in the morning, he’ll be one to pay for it, but for now, he’s just grateful to exist in the moment with you. Grateful you’re letting him trace his fingertips along your skin without being told he’s being a perv for wanting to feel close to you.
“I like your voice,” you mumble into his neck.
Joe’s chest stills. “What?”
“You’ve got a good voice. When you’re not being annoying.”
He exhales a laugh. “Thanks. I think.”
Joe’s not asking you questions, but he’s not going to stop you either, because Joe is an opportunist, and you are weak for him when you get like this. He just lies beside you, takes your hand, and starts to rub your earlobe with his thumb. Gently. Rhythmically. It’s tender. Thoughtless. Like he figured out where the volume knob on your brain lives and now plays with it whenever he feels like you won’t kick him in the shins for the attempt.
“Do the thing.” you suddenly softly breathe.
“What thing?”
“The whisper thing.”
“What whisper thing?”
“It’s when you… when your voice goes really low,” you attempt to turn over, but after moving your head a little, decide against it. “And you talk too close to my ear and make me forget what day it is.”
There’s a pause. “You’re asking me to whisper in your ear?” Joe double-checks.
“No, I’m telling you to.”
“Because you’re drunk?”
“No. Yes. But also because I’m drunk.”
Joe’s laughter is quiet in his throat, and then you feel him shift closer. You feel breath at your temple, and his hand cradles your wrist, soft and slow.
“Come here,” he says, low and careful.
You do.
You always do.
Your foreheads touch. You can’t see much past the haze of cheap prosecco and expensive gin. But you know what his eyes look like this close. You’ve memorised them already. Round and deep and full of things he doesn’t say unless it’s late, and you’re quiet, and the world is small enough to be easily manageable.
“I love getting you drunk,” he says quietly.
Your spine straightens an inch, and you try to blink some focus back into your eyes as you try to not act insulted. “Wow. You’re such a romantic.”
I am, Joe thinks. You are the one who isn’t.
“You tell me everything when you’re spinning.”
“I tell you everything when I’m s-sober too,” you say.
“Not like this.”
“Like what?”
Joe swallows. His hand is still on your wrist, and it’s doing something to your heartbeat. “Like you mean it.”
You go still. Then laugh, a small, breathy thing.
“I always mean it,” you say. “I’m an honest person.”
Joe nods. “Yeah. Too honest.”
You lie in silence as you think of something honest to say to prove your point.
“Joe… Joe, you look nice. I like how you look. Not always. But tonight, you looked so nice.”
Maybe he’s right.
“Can I tell you something?” he asks, fingers back on your earlobe and it makes your ears buzz. There’s blood in your face, heat in your chest, and you have the fleeting thought that maybe you’re going to die like this.
“No,” you say. “Wait. Yes.”
He laughs. “You sure?”
“Not even slightly.”
Joe shifts so his mouth is at your jaw now. His hand slides to your hip, and the weight of it feels like gravity choosing sides. He kisses just beneath your ear, and it makes you whimper.
“You asked me to whisper in your ear,” he murmurs, lips brushing your skin. “But you don’t know what that does to me.”
Your breath catches.
You don’t speak.
Can’t speak.
“You don’t know what it does to me,” he says again, quieter now, “when you hold onto my arm, or when you lean into me and let me hold you... or when you tell me that I sound nice. And look nice.”
You blink.
“I thought it’d go away,” he admits. “The way I feel about you. Feels too… I don’t know, too strong, you know? Like this should’ve dissolved into something less intense by now.”
You reach for him.
Instinctual.
Needy.
Joe isn’t sure how much more of this behaviour he can take.
“But it’s not really going anywhere…” he finishes, like he’s exhaling all the things he’d hidden away from you in fear of you finding them and ghosting him. Even now, after months. He wouldn’t put it past you.
“I’m... I’m going to forget you said that in the morning…” you say softly, and Joe hums.
“That’s okay,” he says, his voice barely a whisper, but somehow, it’s louder than anything else in the world. “I’ll tell you again and you’ll hate it so much, you’ll cringe yourself inside out.”
There’s about a million things you want to do. All of them involve Joe. But a zesty wave of dizziness makes you feel like the world is swaying underneath you, even though you’re lying completely still in your bed.
It’s like Joe notices something shift, because he pulls back slightly and gives you a good one over.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m so drunk.”
“Go to sleep, if you can.”
“Whisper things into my ear, if you can.”
Joe dips his head, knowing he won’t get to let his mouth graze the shell of your ear for at least a month after you sober up.
“Okay, fine.” he says lowly, absolutely relishing your bodily reaction he can feel with all of his as he whispers you to sleep.
---
The Taglisted
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add yourself
#joe quinn#joseph quinn#joe quinn x reader#joe quinn x you#joseph quinn x y/n#joseph quinn x reader#joe quinn x y/n#joseph quinn x you#joseph quinn fanfiction#joseph quinn fanfic#joe quinn fanfiction#joe quinn fanfic#icallhimjoey#only when youre spinning#tupperware!joe
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Yandere Batfamily x Neglected & "Immortal" Reader 》 IV
Part I Part II Part III Part V
Wow, can't believe this was just a concept idea and this is part IV XD Part V may be the end but I'm not entirely sure. Don't get your hopes up for a part VI
Also, some of y'all wanted a tag list soo (Did my best but I couldn't @ some of you-)
Tag: @redkarmakai @erikasurfer @szapizzapanda @kore-of-the-underworld @imhere2dosomething @pastel-mouse @cooki3dough @naina326 @peptox @ladylupuscrow @confused-they @megasweetbones @1-800-crazy @lillian-morningstar @butterflycardigann
CW: Mention of past kidnapping, bar fight, blood, "death" and lab testing. Self-harm (Reader testing their ability). Gun shot and injury.
After you finally get Richard Grayson off your windowsill, you can sit down and eat
What makes him think that he can just walk into your life?! And with him being a vigilante, he most definitely could have saved you all that time ago!
To clear your head, you try to remember what happened before you found yourself in your “brother’s” apartment.
You and your friends wanted to go to a bar before college started…….a fight happened….How are your friends?! Did classes start already?!
Opening your group chat with your friends, there are some messages about the bar fight, Red Hood, and how they’d visit you in the hospital
When making your message for the chat, you lie about being discharged from the hospital and ask if classes have already started
Your friends are so kind and update you on everything that has happened since you were in the hospital
The fall semester has begun but you should have an excuse because you were in the hospital
With some help, you were able to email all your professors about your absence and just hope they don’t drop you from the classes
Also hope they don’t ask for any documents from the hospital to confirm that you were there.
After a bit of rambling, you and your friends log off the group chat for the night. You never told them about what actually happened to you or what you found out about Nightwing, Red Hood, etc.
The information is difficult for you to process. Your whole family are famous vigilantes and no one came to save you when you were kidnapped.
And Nightwing, he really was your first friend in Bludhaven and it always hurts to lose someone close
But he doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve your attention and time when he abandoned you just like the rest of the family.
You would have been dead if it wasn't for this weird thing that keeps your heart beating!
Maybe it would be a good idea to test this “power” of yours. You’ve died twice now and it seems that it takes a couple of days to heal and regain consciousness
Just for a small test, you make a small cut on your finger and watch it heal right before your eyes. You were hesitant to do these tests at first but this is also fascinating
Another cut is but a little bigger and it takes a little longer to heal.
This continues a few times before you can have an idea of how long it takes for your body to heal itself.
Once you’re done, you decide to go to sleep again and wait until it’s morning
Back at the manor, Tim has been hard at work. Making multiple plans that will end with you coming back home
Some are more intense than others but it can't be helped if you decide to be difficult
Tim has also spent a lot of time researching your “powers”
Back when Dick saved you from that thief, Tim took the knife with your blood on it for research
Some interesting findings can be helpful if all else fails
It’s around noon when you wake up and your professors responded to your emails
They say that you’re allowed to keep your classes but there is a lot of classwork to catch up on
After eating some lunch, you sit down and look over all the work you’ve got to do. That is a lot….
You spend all day struggling and planning how you’ll get help
The next day, you decide to go to class. You go a little early because you knew you’d likely be lost
Luck seems to be on your side because you’re able to find your classroom!
Walking inside, you talk to the professor and they tell you about a project for pairs
Thankfully, you’ve already been assigned a pair so you won’t be alone. You do feel bad about not being here to help though
The professor points you in the direction of your partner and you introduce yourself. The moment your pair looks at you, your mood immediately takes a 180
Why is Tim Drake in your class? Doesn’t he go to a college in Gotham or something?
You pretend to be polite until the professor walks away and you glare at your partner while he just smiles at you
When you sit next to Tim, you try to sit as far away from him but he just moves closer
Before you can argue with him, the professor starts talking about the assignment for the day
You try to do the assignment alone but immediately get lost and you reluctantly accept Tim’s offers to help
Tim’s explanations were quite helpful and you both finished quite quickly. The room is filled with chatter so you take this moment to interrogate your “brother”
He gives vague answers to your questions but is sure to mention that he didn't want to leave his “sibling” by themself
Before you can respond, Tim cuts you off by saying he has something for you
You watch him carefully as he shows you a familiar item
Your phone
You instinctively reach for it but Tim stops you by grabbing your wrist
Glaring at Tim and his smiling face, he says he’ll give your phone back if you’d go back to the manor for at least one night
Tim repositions his hand on your wrist to be your hands intertwined
You try to remove your hand but Tim persists. It isn't until you decline his offer does he put your hand down
You’ve lived a couple of weeks now without your phone so there is no need for it. Plus, you plan to buy a new one later
Tim doesn’t mention the family for the rest of the class
When class is over, you immediately go to the library (Almost got lost) to finish more work
You settle at an empty table near a window and take out your laptop. Of course, it doesn't take long for you to struggle with the assignment and begin feeling annoyed
(Un)Luckly, Tim has found you and offered to help
With his help, you’re able to complete a few assignments before you have another class to go to
Tim invites you to the manor again but you still decline him
You only have two classes today so you hope to get home as soon as possible before running into Tim again
This repeats for a couple of more days
Everyday, you always have Tim in one of your classes
Tim attempts to bribe you to go to the manor with him, with your phone, playing games together, some other stuff you didn’t pay attention to
At least he never bribed you with his help on your classwork. Even after you catch up on old assignments, there are just so many concepts to understand
It’s annoying but Tim has successfully squeezed himself into your life by constantly being around
Something seems to have changed though because you notice Tim has started to leave you alone more
You don’t know why but would rather not question it. He’s a vigilante, right? He probably has some work to defeat a villain or something, you can literally care less about what Tim does
One day, you’re with your friends to participate in an event on campus. There are supposed to be games and free food so why not
Before the event began, there was a speech from the sponsor of the event
The sponsor is a lab group of some kind, promoting the study of life and encouraging new findings. You don’t know what it is but something about them sends a shiver down your spine
When the speech ends, you and your friends play a few games when a person from the sponsor stopped by
You all talk a bit and answer some minor questions before the person goes to a different group of people
At the end of the event, your friends offer to drop you off at home but you decline. You don’t live that far away and you also have pepper spray to keep yourself safe
While walking a person blocks your path. It’s that same sponsor person from the event
They go into more detail about the lab group they’re in, researching life and all
You do your best to remain calm, not showing your disturbance by their sudden presence
That is until they point out how there was a bar fight in the area and a victim went missing
A victim that looks exactly like you, covered in bruises and cuts, bleeding so much that the hospital wouldn’t be able to save them
Yet here you are, in perfect condition
This is when they finally reveal their intentions, wanting to figure out how you escape death
Offering a place in the lab group as a researcher and totally not a test subject
You pretend to consider their offer while carefully taking your pepper spray out of your pocket
It seems the person planned for this because they quickly take out and shoot at your hand holding the pepper spray
Terrified, you immediately make a run for it
You’re filled with so much adrenaline that you can't hear the person shout and the other gunshots that nearly miss you
Running through multiple alleyways, something suddenly grabs you and pulls you into an almost pitch-black area
Things move quickly as an arm wrap around your waist, a whirling sound is suddenly hear above you, your feet leave the ground, and now you’re on a rooftop
You almost collapse once this new random person releases you from their hold
No longer in a dark alley, you can finally see who this new person is
Red Robin
He gives you some time to catch your breath and calm down, putting his grappling gun back on his utility belt
Once your heart rate slows to a normal pace, you’re quick to show your annoyance at seeing the vigilante
Red Robin just seems to smile at you, not showing how your words affect him in any way
When you finally give Red Robin a chance to speak, he goes straight to the point
He admits to leaking some information to that lab group, just wanting you to see how you can live on your own
Even if Red Robin didn’t tell the lab group about your ability, they would have found out eventually
That’s what happened to your mother after all
The vigilante then gives you two options
You can go with the research team and be tested on for the rest of your life or you can have a life back at the manor
Hell, there is a chance that your family of vigilantes can find and save your mother. Allowing you to reunite
As long as you returned home
With your two options, you find yourself back at Dick’s apartment
Dick bandaging up your hand, Jason carrying a box with stuff from your apartment, and Tim contacting Bruce
#yandere batfam#yandere batfamily#yandere bruce wayne#yandere damian wayne#yandere dick grayson#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake#yandere batboys#neglected reader#yandere dc#platonic yandere
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wrong pick!
Reality tv star!Jacaerys x Reality tv star!Reader | 2.8k wrds
Jace has been paired up with cassandra since the beginning, thinking their bond was pretty strong he felt as though he had nothing to worry about but he was soon proven wrong. and he quickly finds out theres always been someone else in his corner.
too hot to handle!au, fluff, mild angst, confessions, blooming love, first kiss, jace pov, acts of service, she/her prns used for reader, slightly proofread
[its pretty late into the game so they have the watches if you know what im talking abt some things in this fic wont really make sense if you don't know the show, used outer banks characters names cause i was watching it while writing it dont mind me, ive also never watched the show ive only played the games so idk what goes on, im very rusty i havent properly written something in months im sorry if this is lame no taglist cause idk if people care anymore. does anyone even read these authors notes anyway enjoy!]

Being on too hot too handle was turning out to be a lot more fun than Jace had originally expected. He had met someone he truly thought he connected with. or at least he had thought so not even an hour ago but now he was storming away from the outdoor lounge pit with a furious look on his face as Cassandra calls after him.
He’s never been one to break rules, even on a show like this when moneys draining from the pool left and right he doesn’t dare let him be the reason it gets knocked down a couple thousand. When he paired up with Cass he had been worried at first since she had seemed like the sexually driven type but she seemed respectful of the fact he had no intention of breaking any rules. He wanted that money to be able to provide for his family back home so this meant a lot to him. Yet after they had gotten the green light she seemed to be more persistent in her attempts to get them to break the rules and he was not interested in the slightest which pissed her off.
She had come into the bathroom as he had just gotten out of the shower, the two flirted a bit and she had tried to kiss him to which he backed away. He truly didn’t mean anything bad by it but she had took it really poorly and stormed off from him, he tried to calm her down and she just blew up on him. He had realized the two had completely different thoughts about their relationship and she clearly did not like him the way he liked her and he lost it. She didn’t respect him, she could barely even remember the things he had said to her which was more than enough for him.
When she realized he had gotten truly upset with her, which he hadn’t done before, she tried to back peddle but he simply stormed off leaving her to call after him. He wishes he was more thankful she didn’t follow him but a part of him stings that she didn’t even care to come after him. He walks along the beach side until a familiar figure comes into his view and smiles at him. Kiara, one of the original contestants here like him, who quickly paired up with JJ another contestant, and the two had become good friends.
“Heard some yelling all the way over there,, everything good?” He drops down to sit in the sand next to her and sighs. “I don’t know. I think me and Cass are done.” He tries not to get hung up on the fact Kiara doesn’t really seem surprised by the news. Was it obvious to everyone but him they weren’t going to work? She sits quietly for a moment, Trying to put the right words together before she speaks. “Are you upset?”
“I don’t know. I think so? I feel like I should be more upset.” “I’m sorry dude but I don’t even know how you put up with Cassandra so don’t feel bad about not feeling bad.” He turns and glares at her, his mood souring slightly. “She’s not as bad as you all seem to think. she,, can be nice.” Kiara laughs with disbelief and looks at him expectantly, “Sure,, like when?” A soft smile falls on his face as he recalls a moment in particular in mind. “I had been complaing about how my favorite shirt was all wrinkled and she steamed it for me.”
A look of pure confusion crossed her face. “What are you talking about about?” “It was awhile ago I had fucked up my shirt-” She quickly stops him placing her hands on his chest as she fully turns to look at him. “No dude I know what you’re talking about what do you mean Cassandra did that?” Now its his turn to be confused. Kiara full on belly laughs as he tries to understand what’s going on. “Ugh She’s gonna kill me for this but dude it was never Cassandra doing that stuff. Its Y/n. its always been her doing all that shit for you. Got a huge crush on you.”
Jace’s face is unreadable as he attempted to process this information. He had always assumed it was Cass since she was the one he had been complaining to about it to and she always liked doing little things for him without taking credit,,, right? There has been so many little things, little comforts, little actions done for him after he’s complained about it that he’s always just assumed was Cass and his stomach sinks at the idea its never been her. Kiara has no reason to lie to him. She’s your best friend here and he likes to think the two of them are good friends too. There’s no way she would be trying to set you up.
It was all you.
Kiara watches him with an amused expression as he tries to put the pieces together. He quickly stands and Kiara’s face grows into a knowing grin, “See you later!” He barely acknowledges her as he quickly sprints back towards the villa. Kiara looks out towards the ocean and shakes her head, speaking out loud more so for the camera than for herself. “She’s gonna kill me.”
His head is racing, his mind twisted up in knots as he finally arrived back to the villa. He flinches when he sees Cassandra has thrown herself a pit party, some of the other contestant comforting her as she sits and cries into her hands. All heads shoot up when his footsteps hit the pavement. Cassandra perks up and quickly rushes over to him, stopping him when he tries to walk away. “Jacey please lets talk,” “We’re done Cassandra. There’s no need to talk.” Her eyes widen in horror as he tries his best to gently move her out of his way but he stops him, “Please Jacey baby lets not do this to us-” “There is no us.” He spits out before storming past her into the villa house, ignoring the way she’s calling after him.
Jace’s eyes dart frantically around every room he enters until everything goes still once he finally sets his eyes on you. You’re sitting in the lounge pit, JJ on one side and on your other side sat Pope, one of the other contestants. Whatever conversation the three of you were having completely pauses as all eyes had turned towards him. He takes a moment to finally look at you. He’s seen you around often sure but he never had truly stopped to look at you. You're another one of the original contestants just like him. He remembers meeting you on the first day, The bright smile you had on your face, the way you made him a special drink at the bar and sent a wink his way. It had been the best drink he had ever had. He had always thought you were beautiful but right now he couldn’t take his eyes off you.
“Hey dude, you need something?” JJ is the first to speak up, sitting up slightly from his lax sitting position prior and looking at Jace with raised brows. Jace however did not spare him a single glance, his eyes lasered onto you as you attempted to act nonchalant about his presence in the room.
You’re wearing your hair differently today.
“Can we talk?”
Despite not addressing anyone directly everyone knows he’s talking to you. You glance over at pope who shrugs and another glance at JJ who looks equally as bewildered as pope does before nodding lightly and standing to follow Jace out the room. No words are exchanged between the two of you until you reach a private terrace just outside the villa. When he turns to face you you give him an awkward but friendly smile as you attempt to not take this situation too seriously. “Sooo, What's up?” you pop the p at the end and grip your hands tightly together behind your back.
You had just heard him and Cassandra fighting outside everyone did quite frankly. You almost wanted to go run after him but it would be too out of character, too obvious.
“I know it was you.”
Your friendly demeaner falters ever so slightly at his words instead contorting into confusion as you tilt your head at him. “What was me?” He takes that step closer to you and by instinct you lean away from him ever so slightly. “I know it was you who steamed my shirt.” Your face completely falls and he watches your face twitch as you attempt to come back with a statement but he doesn't let you.
“I know you had decided to make skewers that might because I had been complaining about missing my families yearly barbeque this year. I know you were the one who had found my missing t-shirt after I ripped apart the whole house looking for it;” With every claim that leaves his mouth he takes a step towards you he takes the slightly step towards you and you take the smallest step back.
At this point your back at hit the cloudy glass door and he was right in your face. He could hear your heart pounding but he’s sure you could hear his too, to anyone else it would see like you were completely unbothered by his words but he can see the minor glaze in your eyes which tells him everything he needs to know.
Before he can say anything else one more particular memory pops into his mind, he can’t believe he had ever forgotten about this. You go to open your mouth to deny his allegations during his moment of silence, the eye contact and closeness the two of your were sharing was killing you but he quickly stops you.
“And worst of all, I know you were the one who put my name down in the anonymous poll.” When your eyes widen in horror he fights back the grin that grows on his face.
Got you.
It had been about two weeks ago. They had been having a costume party and Kiara had suggested they do a ‘Who’s the hottest?’ anonymous poll, one for the girls and one for the guys. Since the couples had been pretty strong at that point and it was pretty deep into the game it was originally brushed off as a lame idea since everyone would just chose who they were paired with but Kiara managed to convince everyone since two new bombshells had just arrived yesterday.
Everyone had technically been right and most people picked who they were paired up with except one. Jace had two votes. that pretty much killed the night as Cassandra blew up trying to figure out who had voted for jace. She had never suspected you since you were pretty much always paired up with pope and pope had gotten a vote. So she automatically targeted Cleo, one of the new bombshells, who later took the fall for you and claimed she had voted for jace. He never thought anything about it, it was a harmless game. Plus Cleo had come up to him and said she wasn’t really interested she just thought he was hot, so he ended up getting pretty embarrassed by Cassandras outburst but brushed it off as he really caring about him.
He watches you gulp and look down as you try to collect yourself. He can practically see the wheels churning in your head as you attempt to come up with anything to say. Suddenly you look back up at him. your face hardened as you even slightly glare at him. “So what?” His gaze turns into something more affectionate at your admission and your face softens, “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” His hands had come to grab your forearms lightly as his words are let out in a light whisper. You turn your head away from him as you try to ignore his burning gaze into the side of your face. “You’re with Cassandra. I would be the bad guy if I tried to break that up.”
He releases one of his hands to grip the side of your face to turn you back towards him. “I wasn't in the beginning.” Your eyes turn away from him as you mutter something under your breath he can’t understand. He pulls your face towards him and he hears your breath hitch. “You can tell me.”
“She beat me to it.” He blinks rapidly as he doesn’t understand what you mean before his eyes widen in realization. The first retreat had just been completed, you and Cassandra had been deemed the stand outs from it and were given the opportunity to pick one person to go on a date with. Before you could even speak Cassandra picked jace first, he remembers agreeing to the date thinking Cassandra seemed interesting he had never even considered you were planning to ask him as well.
You had ultimately ended up picking pope who happily agreed. He had now realized you simply settled and picked pope because he had already been taken out and everything else seems to fall into place. You and pope aren’t a couple, everyone with eyes knows that the two of you are just really good friends who happen to get paired up together since there's nobody else around for the either of you as everyone is already paired up. And now pope has become infatuated with Cleo leaving you alone for the last two retreats. You had no interest in any of the bombshells that walked into the villa or any of the original contestants because you liked him.
He finds his chest tightening as he takes a deep shuddering breath. “I'm sorry.” You flinch as if he had slapped you and lightly shook your head. “For what?”
“For thanking someone other than you for the things you would do for me. For not knowing it was you,” You are quick to cut him off “You were never meant to know don’t feel sorry.” If anything that makes him feel worse. He breathes as if his throat is constricted. “Why?” You sigh in defeat, your beautiful eyes downdated. “As I said you and Cassandra are a thing and I'm not someone who likes to get between-” “Me and Cassandra are done.”
As your face contorts into something unreadable he pulls you to press your body directly against his. “The things that I had thought were the reasons that made me fall for Cassandra were actually done by you. I have no attachment to Cassandra know that I know its always been you all along. The one I should have been looking for, the one I should have gotten the green light with.” Both of your breathing turns erratic as the tension is palpable between you. “I want to try things with you. I don’t know how everything will turn out but I want to give whatever this is a shot. If you’ll let me.”
He gives you as long as you need to try and compose yourself. He watches as your eyes flicker all over his face for any sense of dishonesty but you can’t find anything because there is none. You can only see the pure affection dripping out of his pores and gulp. Once you open your mouth to speak you are cut off by a familiar light gleaming on his face.
Green.
He manages to contain his shock, despite his declaration he makes no move to close the distance between you and does not speak a single word. You decide words are pointless now as you grip the back of his head and pull him into a deep kiss. He eagerly meets your enusastic kiss and wraps his hands around your waist to hold you close to him. After what feels like eternity the both of you pull away and stare deeply into each others eyes, not even noticing the green light fade away into black.
“Lets give it a try.” The two of grin like giddy children as you press your foreheads together. No more words are needed to be spoken at least for now. He’s sure once the two of you leave the sanctuary of the terrace there's going to be a storm inside the villa but for now he can enjoy the peace and quiet alone with you.
#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd imagine#jacaerys targaryen x reader#jacaerys velaryon x reader#jacaerys strong#prince jacaerys#jacaerys targaryen#jacaerys velaryon#hotd jacaerys#jacaerys x reader#jace x you#jace velaryon#jace targaryen#jace x reader#hotd fanfic#hotd x reader#hotd x y/n#house of the dragon fanfiction#house of the dragon fanfic#house targaryen#jacaerys#modern hotd#modern au#modern jacaerys
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ᡣ𐭩 Baby don't cry - Park Sunghoon


(synopsis) 𓆩♡𓆪 sunghoon is in love with his best friend, but he's too stupid to realize how much he needs her in his life. so what will happen when he accidentally sends her the wrong singals? how will he fix it? or where y/n is painfully in love with her best friend, sunghoon, but she's afraid if she ever tells him, she'll lose her best friend. but what happens when she's finally had enough of it, of her heart breaking, over and over again? will she be able to move on from sunghoon? or will she be able to suck it up, and confess her feelings for him? ִ ࣪𖤐
best friend!sunghoon x fem!reader ❀˖° angst to fluff-ish? ❀˖° bsf to lovers ❀˖° oneshot ❀˖° wc 2k ❀˖° swearing, petnames, includes all of enha, karina (aespa), wonyoung (ive), chaewon (lsfm), angst, mutual pining, chae's rlly mean in this but ik she's a sweetheart irl so pls don't come at me
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y/n became best friends with sunghoon when she was 4, and he was 5. being the shy little girl she was, she didn't have a lot of friends. so when sunghoon approached her all those years ago on the playground, asking if she wanted to be friends, she couldn't help but fall a little for him. these two became inseparable. always seen together whether it was at the park, at one's house, in school, basically just anywhere. but as the years went by, and they both grew up, y/n found herself discovering feelings for her best friend that she had never felt for anyone else. being too scared to tell anyone about this, y/n hid her feelings and tried to ignore them. but when college rolled around, and y/n and sunghoon started seeing less of each other and making new friends, y/n finds herself lost in all her feelings.
beep! beep! beep! y/n wakes up to the sound of her alarm with a groan. picking up her phone from her night stand, she reads the time. 6:30 am. "it's too early..." she grumbles, dropping her phone beside her. despite not wanting to get up, y/n pulls herself out of bed, and drags herself into the bathroom to get ready.
stumbling out off the dorm she shares with her two besties, karina and wonyoung, y/n makes sure to lock the door before heading out to school. as she arrives, she sees wonyoung and karina already waiting outside for her, smiling and waving at her, and sunghoon. sunghoon is standing around with his group of friends, but he doesn't even acknowledge her. it aches her heart a bit, she won't lie, but y/n tries to shrug it off, heading over to wonyoung and karina. "hey n/n!" wonyoung greets cheerfully before dropping her smile at the sight of y/n's small frown. y/n is the youngest in their friend group, therefore making her the baby (rina's words). "what's wrong ynnie?" karina asks softly, trying to be as soft as possible with the young girl. "it's stupid..." y/n mumbles while fiddling with the hem of her skirt. "don't worry eonnies! i'm fine!" y/n says, forcing a fake smile on her face and walking away. wonnie and rina look at each other but decide not to say anything about it, walking to go catch up with y/n.
walking into class, y/n couldn't help but glance over at sunghoon, who currently had his arm being snuggled (?) into by chaewon, the snobby, rich girl of the school. sunghoon and his group of friends were considered to be the "popular athletes" of the school while y/n and her small group were considered to be the "it girls" of the school. but chaewon and a few other rich girls were always the "popular and rich" ones who didn't exactly have the brains, but they had the money. but who cares about grades when you have money, right? sitting down in her usual seat next to the window, y/n heard someone sit down next to her as well. "hey y/n! it's been a while since we last talked! i haven't really seen you around that much," turning her head to look at the person, quickly realizing it was sunoo! one of sunghoon's friends and also the one she is closest to in the group, besides sunghoon of course. all though it doesn't really feel like it anymore. "oh sunoo!! hi! i'm sorry i haven't been able to see you guys that much lately," she frowned, placing her hand on his arm. this caught someone's eye though, causing the person to frown at the sight. i wonder who. "don't be sorry! just promise me you'll hang out with us more! the res of the guys really miss you," sunoo says, putting on a small pout. "i will, i promise. but umm...what's going on with chaewon and hoon over there?" y/n asks, not being able to stop her nosy self. "ugh. don't even get me started on her," sunoo says as he rolls his eyes. "she's been flirting with him literally 24/7. but when we ask her to go away, she whines to sunghoon, and tells us that he wants her company, even though we all know, he most definitely does not. in fact, he's actually been crushing on this girl for some time..." sunoo adds, raising his eyebrows at y/n, which goes unnoticed by y/n as she feels her heart drop. what? sunghoon likes someone? how come he didn't tell me? y/n's thoughts get quickly interrupted by the sound of the bell, informing students that is time for lunch. "oh, bye ynnie! come by and hang out with us more often, 'kay?" sunoo says while packing up his stuff. "yeah, of course! bye sunoo," y/n smiles, turning and speed-walking herself to the cafeteria to spill everything to her besties.
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"and then i swear i saw chaewon smirk at me!!" y/n whined, slumping further into her chair. but she saw rina and wonnie widen their eyes trynna get her to stop. "what? all i'm saying is that chaewon is always a bitch to me! why does sunghoon have to like her out of all people?!" y/n continues, not noticing how her friends are literally making hand gestures for her to shut up. "oh? so now i like chaewon?" a voice says from behind her. a voice that y/n can easily recognize. slowly turning to face the owner of the voice. "oh my gosh, i'm so sorry! please forget you ever heard anything!" y/n cries, hiding her face in her hands out of embarrassment. "nah, it's all good," sunghoon says, pulling y/n's hands down. but his usual chill demeanor quickly vanishes as soon as their eyes meet. it's replaced with a frantic and anxious one. y/n couldn’t read into it that much but she felt her heart skip a beat when their eyes locked. wait, i shouldn’t be thinking about him like this…y/n thought to herself and her cheeks started heating up. "did you need something hoon?" y/n asked, trying to move on from her feelings. "o-oh right. uhh can i ask a favor from you?" he said, nervously rubbing his neck. "oh sure! what is it?" y/n asked, putting on a bright smile now that her best friend wanted something from her again instead of ignoring her. by now, her and sunghoon had walked out of the cafeteria and stopped in an empty hallway for more privacy. "well...there's this girl i like...and i don't know how to tell her i like her," his words instantly shattering y/n's heart. "she's so pretty and her laugh and smile are infectious, but i'm too nervous to say anything. so i was wanted to get your opinion on how you would like a guy to ask you out." every word basically crushed y/n's heart into tinier and tinier pieces. "oh...well i guess if you like her that much then you should do something really special. i would say flowers and a pretty date at a cafe or a restaurant are nice," y/n mumbled, trying so hard to keep the tears from spilling. "i'm sorry. i have to go now." y/n said, swiftly turning and speed-walking out of the hallway, leaving sunghoon speechless.
y/n had always helped sunghoon with his "girl issues" and although each time it broke her heart, she only wanted her best friend to be happy. but as the years went on, and y/n's feeling for the boy only grew stronger, she slowly started thinking she wasn't ever going to be enough to compete with each girl sunghoon had fallen for. the only people who could comfort her about her insecurities were wonyoung and karina. but there's only so much hurt the heart can take.
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"hey y/n!" y/n turned around to see chaewon calling out to her. "oh, hey chaewon. what did you need?" y/n said, trying to not act annoyed. "i just wanted to ask you to stop hanging around hoonie so much. he's my boyfriend now and it makes me feel uncomfortable, that another girl is so...clingy with him," boyfriend?? clingy??? "oh..yeah sure. sorry, i didn't realize you two were a thing.." y/n mumbled, wanting to end the conversation and chaewon. "great! thanks!" and with that, kim chaewon walked away, leaving y/n more lost than ever.
y/n tried not to let this effect her day but in reality, how could she not? the boy she had liked since forever had recently asked her on how to ask a girl out AND he probably used this advice to ask out kim chaewon. without realizing it, tears had started rolling down her soft cheeks. why is love so complicated? now fully sobbing and breaking down in the middle of the library, y/n couldn't help but feel so helpless and pathetic. crying over her best friend who would probably never like her back in the school library. what had her life become? thankfully, it was quite late so no one was really in the library at that time...or so she thought.
deciding she was ready to go home and to the safety of her bed and karina and wonyoung's company, she slowly gathered her stuff and right as she was about to stand up, she collided with someone. looking up with her red and puffy eyes, she saw the last person she wanted to see right now. park sunghoon. "y/n?? are you okay?? what happened?? why are you crying?" and at that moment, y/n knew that that was her breaking point. "you know what? i'm tired of hiding my feelings all the damn time. no! i'm clearly not okay. and you know why? it's all because of you park sunghoon! you make me feel loved and appreciated, making me fall more and more in love with you! but how would you feel if your crush of 15 years tells you that he's madly in love with someone? how would you feel if over the past years, your heart has been ripped apart every single time he needs help on how to ask out a girl, only to be fixed by that same fucking person? telling you that he's "always there for you" and "always gonna love you" when it's clear that it's bullshit! because i know i'm not the one in your heart. i know i never will be!" at this point, it was just y/n ripping out her heart and laying out for sunghoon to see, rapid tears streaming down her face. "i'm sick and tired of thinking i have a chance. goodbye sunghoon." and with that y/n turns around, fully ready to leave and attempt to move on from the boy. but sunghoon clearly has other plans. with a quick but gentle grab of y/n's wrist, sunghoon pulls her in and smashes his lips against her, the action shocking the both of them at his boldness. but y/n doesn't mind, as she has been waiting for this basically her entire life. when they pull apart, both breathless, sunghoon gently places his hands on the sides of y/n's face, pressing his forehead against hers. "baby don't cry," he whispers, wiping y/n's eyes ever so gently. "i'm so sorry for being so stupid. i've liked you for years, but i thought that if i said anything, it would ruin us. i shouldn't have ever led you on like that." sunghoon says softly, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "will you give me a chance to prove how much i truly love you and only you, princess?" the small nod of y/n's head is all the confirmation he needs. pulling her small frame into his arms, and kissing the top of her head, whispering small "thank you"s and promises to cherish and love her the way she deserved to be.
although it took many years for the two to confess, they have finally ended up in each other's arms, their actions speaking the words they cannot say. "i love you, hoon," "i love you more, princess."
₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ゚.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ゚.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ゚.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ゚.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ゚.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ゚.₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊✧ ゚.
idk how to feel abt this tbh...it was a good idea in my head until i started typing it out (i deeply apologize if it sucks)....but anyway! i hope you enjoyed! likes and reblogs are so appreciated <33
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in season 6 we BETTER fucking get argos and chat noir interactions
also this raises a question ive had for like a while, if you have the peacock miraculous its been shown you can sense if something/someone is an amok or a sentimonster
obviously argos is aware of himself, adrien, and kagami
but would he be able to sense chat noir? does having a miraculous on affect it? is agros going to feel the need to investigate first before striaght uo telling him (how adrien finds out) argos trying to find who else gabriel gave the peacock to, (he doesnt care if he finds out who chat noir is)
PLEASE??? CAN WE GET LIKE AN ANSWER???
#please please pleaseeee#are they gonna just dodge it if he can sense chat noir??#like please no i need their interactions#i understand if argos doenst tell him right away#again boy is a investigator he needs to know everything#he needs all the knowledge#but like...#still that sets up a interesting plot point or whatever#are they just gonna say having a miraculous on affects it so he actually *cant* sense him?#hrm...#miraculous ladybug#miraculous#adrien agreste#miraculous lb#ladybug and chat noir#chat noir#mlb#ml#felix graham de vanily#argos ml#sentimonster adrien agreste#sentimonster#mlb season 6#miraculous season 6
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i'm bitter and autistic but i think the internet actually has exacerbated the mental health crisis way more than we give it credit for. like we almost exclusively blame capitalism and the way society is set up and that's fair, but i think the unlimited access to other people is all that's needed in order to become the kind of person who hates people.
before every single person decided they needed to compulsively broadcast every little thing about them whenever we met a particularly shitty or fucked up person we could go, "hey, it's one person. they're just weird." now everywhere you look there's another sicko doing the same thing and/or worse
when i was a kid and struggling with my autism i'd think i was just an alien and everyone else had been born with this inherent knowledge of the world that was completely inaccessible to me and i would never be able to catch up. and that's definitely true. but now i think neuotrypicals are the fucked up ones.
i fundamentally do not understand other people and the things they think are okay and normal. i guess i'm a prude but i just think all of it is so fucking weird.
like how everyone is so obsessed with drugs and alcohol to the point where you're not even allowed to have your wedding not have booze there or you're called selfish?? and people get weird if you don't drink??? "even kids drink!" they say, as if that's normal??
and the normalization of being stoned ALL the time is just crazy. you need to be able to exist without marijuana SOMETIMES.
not to mention party/sex drugs being treated like a baseline experience for everyone young.
bdsm, "sex work", porn, kink/fetish, it's all fetishized domestic violence and it's everywhere.
"if your kids are online they've seen it all already" being treated like it's ok. it's not.
polyamory threesomes sex parties orgies yada yada and like when you're not on the internet you get to pretend most people are normal and doing normal shit. there's nowhere on the internet you get to pretend that.
the TRA nonsense??? misogyny is in its prime right now and nothings being done.
then there's people treating everyone they know like a potential notch on their bedpost. i saw someone talk about how their polyamorous friend came to them propositioning their husband. like that is supposed to be normal now?? you call yourself polyamorous so now you get to treat other people's relationships like pawns in your sex life. people shouldn't have to beat you over the head with the fact they're monogamous for you to think, "maybe i shouldn't try to have sex with my friend's spouse." that is CRAZY behaviour.
but i'm a prude for thinking sex should be private, non-violent, safe, consensual, and between two adults. even though you'd think that would be the standard. but now you get called a friggin puritan if you say not everything is ethically ok just because it turns you on.
cuz apparently you can either be okay with people walking their half-naked boyfriends on leashes in public where anyone can see or you're basically a caricature of an old timey woman, fainting at the prospect of showing her ankle.
it's all just so bad right now. tiktok is fun but it's also a dopamine pit fucking with our attention spans. the internet is being taken over by AI and somehow, despite decades warning about that exact thing, everyone's ok with it. the internet delivers vices right to your home. you can become a gambling addict on accident by downloading apps now. great! wonderful! so glad this is how we're spending our lives!
it's absolutely bizarre feeling suicidal at 26 for the exact same reason you felt suicidal at 7. i have just honestly given up on ever finding anyone who feels the way i feel atp. i used to get frustrated that i don't like (or relate to) my own ""community"" but i just don't like anyone, apparently.
ive been in therapy for e ver and they always insist i should try to socialize but honestly the more i try to mask and socialize the less i feel like a person at all. it just feels worse. i don't relate to anyone and no one relates to me. except my sister, but i basically raised her. so like, whatever. i give up. it would've been nice to be able to have friends or date or whatever but i'm so tireddddddddddd. hermits aint gotta do all this shit theyre onto smthn.
sometimes i miss being a part of the TRA cult like yes i was brainwashed and stupid but at least i was able to make friends and i felt like i wasn't the only person feeling the way i feel. i wasn't okay with all of it but i was able to convince myself i was. now i just... cannot seem to get around how i actually feel, which happens to be the opposite way that everyone else feels. classic
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hey y'all! I would like to start by just apologizing for the sudden unexplained stop in this blog! now, it has been kind of a long time coming, but still, might as well make it official.
I'm done actively running this blog for the foreseeable future I think. I've mostly left the fandom at this point, and unfortunately it's not as fulfilling running these when I don't care about the characters or the show as much anymore
I won't be deleting this blog though, it'll just be left as an archive of what all we did over here
however! if anyone else is interested in starting something similar themselves by all means, go ahead! you can take whatever you'd like from what I've got here, from poll ideas to the actual way you may decide to run it, it's all yours! and please feel free to dm me if you have questions about it, I'm totally happy to help anyone get set up if you want to try but don't know where to start!
if someone does make an alternative dndads poll blog that I'm aware of, I'll be happy to put them up in a pinned post so that people know where they can actually find dndads polls :]
with all that said, I've had a blast running these and being able to really create something here in the dndads community. thank all of you for participating and having fun and just making this such a delightful space! I wouldn't have kept this up at all if it wasn't clear that everyone else was enjoying it just as much as I was! just having everyone sending submissions, cheering for their favs, even just voting in the polls, really made all of it worth it. Ive loved having everyone come together and engage with each other about something we all love, it's been great. thanks for sharing this with me, y'all <3
#and also again very sorry for claiming id just be taking a week long break and then suddenly nothing for like 2 months#i did not mean to do that‚ i kind of completely forgot about this whoops#but yeah‚ thats a wrap now folks#even though being done with all this is what i know i want‚ im sad to have to let this blog die#ill miss it#but you cant really force a hyperfixation to stick unfortunately#dndads#dndads polls
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It's not really related to the other conversation I was having about it, but I was already thinking about "The Conscience of the King" again (as one does), and the particular significance of the Kirk-Riley plot.
When I was first watching it, I thought Riley was super doomed, and we'd end up with Kirk as the last survivor standing to up the stakes of his decision. So for me, Riley's survival was very unexpected and intriguing. Even now, I feel like Kirk and Riley both surviving, and how that survival is handled in the episode, are much more effective and compelling for the narrative than the expected story line. I think the handling of Riley's survival shifts the stakes and dangers around the finale in a way that is far more resonant for Kirk's characterization and for what "The Conscience of the King" is really about than killing off Riley would have ever been.
To begin with, Kirk initially has no idea that Kevin "I'll take you home again, Kathleen" Riley* is one of the other surviving eyewitnesses. This ignorance is actually quite believable to me, given that both Kirk and Riley were children at the time, with Riley the younger of the two. Even if Riley had happened to mention his last name while they were trying to avoid starving to death or getting murdered by their own government, it's not exactly hard to believe that thirteen-year-old newly-minted genocide survivor James Kirk had more on his mind than remembering the full names of eight other people. The episode does make it clear, at any rate, that Kirk doesn't remember most of the other eyewitnesses' names, and specifically, had no idea that his mostly-upstanding crewman Riley is one of the other kids from Tarsus IV.
(The only other survivor Kirk definitely knows is Dr. Tom Leighton; Kirk is good friends with Leighton and his wife Martha, but not close enough to know much about Leighton's professional life or reputation.)
It also seems like Kirk hasn't ever tried to find out who the other survivors were, or what became of them later, despite having easy means of doing so. Rather, he has preferred to accept the official account of Kodos's death and to distance himself from the past as much as possible.
For most of the years between the genocide and the five-year mission, it seems like he found more comfort in philosophies and books and starships than rooting himself in any specific place or persona. In fact, there's a lot of reason to think he pretty drastically overhauled his entire presentation of his personality at some point in his 20s, and throughout TOS, he adopts and sheds different personas with what seems like ease—there is a control and performativity about him coupled with deep philosophical convictions that makes a lot of sense for someone repeatedly subjected to unfathomably traumatic, depersonalizing atrocities. Regardless, Kirk wanted to believe Kodos really was dead, and nothing could be done, and the only way forward was repression putting it all behind him (while still able to remember Kodos's speech to those slated for death, word for word).
It's only when he has reason to ask the computer for a complete list of the surviving eyewitnesses that Kirk links Kevin from Tarsus IV to the Lieutenant Kevin Riley of his own crew. He promptly asks for confirmation that they're the same person and receives it, which changes everything.
At that point, Riley's physical safety becomes a significant and unique concern for Kirk, above and beyond his usual preoccupation with the welfare of his crew. He has Riley demoted and separated from his peers to protect him—without explaining his motives to anyone, including Riley himself. He doesn't even acknowledge to anyone else that he knows Riley is the other eyewitness.
Meanwhile, Kirk maneuvers his way into trapping the Karidian players on the Enterprise with no escape route, so he can pursue his investigation into the murders of the other eyewitnesses without any serious impediment. He has very good reason to believe one of the players is murdering the eyewitnesses, most likely Karidian himself, but Kirk wants to be very sure about identifying Karidian as Kodos before he pulls the jaws of his trap shut.
This is all very understandable, but we end up with a cold, scheming, almost detached Kirk who is privately struggling to navigate the complexity of the investigation, the weight of the accusation he may have to make (but with it, the opportunity for justice at last), and the danger surrounding the serial killing of the eyewitnesses. Trapping the Karidian players on the Enterprise—that is, trapping the murderer on the Enterprise—puts himself and his crew directly in harm's way, a choice he rarely ever makes outside of the mandates of the five-year mission.
In fact, one of Kirk's most absolutely consistent qualities throughout TOS is his intense concern for his crew and general prioritization of their welfare as far as the mission allows. But there are a few occasions when he's forced to react to some kind of monumental, horrific event that has directly touched his own life, and in those cases, he tends to get consumed in dealing with The Horror and acts in ways profoundly unlike his usual self.
This doesn't only happen in "The Conscience of the King," but it's most conspicuous there. Kirk admits that he doesn't even know if he's after justice or vengeance, and when he says of his conduct around the investigation, "I've done things I've never done before," we can easily believe it.
Throughout much of this investigation, Kirk doesn't really talk to McCoy, a good friend. Kirk is prickly and standoffish towards Spock (something he almost never is in TOS), and as mentioned above, he tries to protect Riley by demoting him back down into engineering to keep him out of physical danger. When Spock correctly points out that Riley is a good officer who will take this as a punishment, Kirk brusquely shuts him down, and it's not completely clear if this is deliberate misdirection or genuine if displaced anger. Maybe he's cutting himself off from the person closest to him rather than face the emotional stakes of the genocide and more recent murders, or maybe it's a still more calculated (and highly unusual) attempt to keep Spock at arm's length.
Neither motive is sustainable, though. Spock's interpretation is later justified by a brief scene focused on Riley. Another officer jokes over the intercom about what Riley did to fuck up, and Riley admits that he has no idea what he did wrong, but finds it lonely and depressing to be so alone. The other officer half-jokes that Riley's heart is sore, and Riley asks Uhura to sing over the intercom so he at least feels like he's "not the only living thing left in the universe." Hell of a sentence in this context.
So at this point, Kirk's fixation on purely concrete, physical threats has led him to functionally isolate both himself and Riley. The fact that he and Riley share such a horrific experience and are now the last direct eyewitnesses to it still alive, yet Kirk's approach to this whole thing leads to Riley feeling completely alone in the universe—probably not the first time Riley has felt that way! all things considered!—pretty clearly signals that there's something wrong with how Kirk is thinking about this and approaching it.
It's not wrong in the sense of being directly immoral. Kirk's desire to protect Riley is both righteous and sympathetic, and his fear that Riley is in danger is quickly justified. Kirk has every right to try and stop the murders of the eyewitnesses (even if he weren't one of them!), and he's definitely right to pursue the justice that they've been denied for 20 years. But that's not all that's happening. Kirk leans on his professional power to get away with this, he calls in past favors, he generally jeopardizes the entire career/reputation that defines his fundamental sense of himself as a person, as well as leaving Riley convinced that his own career is in jeopardy as well, all to get the moving parts of these schemes in order. And Kirk does all this without explaining anything to anyone, including the other person most concerned.
Like, his way of handling this is just profoundly unhealthy for both of them. There's a reason that Kirk vacillates between "I don't want to rashly accuse this man of atrocities against sentient life with my sterling reputation backing whatever I choose to say, unless I'm really super ultra sure" and "maybe just fucking murdering this monster on the spot will let the dead sleep at last."
He acts this way here for the same reason, I think, that his response to Tom Leighton identifying Karidian as Kodos and desperately reaching out to him ("Jim, four thousand people were butchered ... Jim, Jim, I need your help") is indignant denial and effectively running away, yet he also can't resist the impulse to pick up the investigation anyway.
Kirk promptly starts researching the major figures involved via the powerful computers on the Enterprise; he reverses his decision to turn his back on Leighton and beams back down to join Leighton's cocktail party, seizing his chance to observe the Karidian players; with Karidian himself out of sight, Kirk zeroes in on Karidian's nineteen-year-old daughter Lenore as the obvious weak link and begins one of his most purely cold-blooded flirtations in the show, quietly maneuvering and/or extracting information every time they interact—and he initiates all of this before Leighton is murdered. And we'll see that vacillation repeat at varying points throughout the episode. Again and again, Kirk will resist truly engaging with the enormity of the genocide's legacy for him and others, but at the same time, we find him so clearly unable to move on, constantly shifting between avoidant uncertainty and this calculating, inexorable pursuit of justice/vengeance.
He's not the only one stuck, either. From almost the earliest moments of the episode, we see that Tom Leighton has built a successful career and loving marriage over the last 20 years, yet after his murder, his widow confides in Kirk that Leighton never really found peace. The rest of the episode makes it evident that this is equally true of Kirk himself. He has been very successful in his profession, like Leighton. He has built close relationships, most importantly with Spock, who has an intimate enough understanding of him to recognize the signs of danger and figure him out, like Martha. And like Leighton, Kirk has never found peace (something confirmed again as late as S3). And I would argue that in the end, it seems that Riley, too, has never really found peace.
Speaking of Spock! As all of this is unwinding, we repeatedly cut to Spock picking up on Kirk's dodgy behavior and investigating him. McCoy is reluctant to connect Kirk's ostensible interest in Lenore Karidian to the unexplained demotion of Riley or to whatever happened with Leighton—he really wants "Lenore is hot" to be the only explanation. But to Spock, all these disparate oddities are plainly related, and it frustrates him that McCoy refuses to see that or ally with him in breaking through to Kirk somehow.
Spock also correctly guesses that Kirk's pursuit of Lenore is actually about her father, even before discovering the genocide. When he searches for some underlying connection between Kirk's odd behaviors, he looks for common history between Riley, Kirk, Leighton, and Anton Karidian. At any rate, to Spock's analytical mind, the demotion of Riley is obviously part of the puzzle and obviously important. Of course, the Venn diagram of red flags that only Spock sees leads him to discover the actual common history no one is talking about.
It's this silence and isolation that ultimately makes Riley vulnerable to Lenore's murder attempt. The fact that he was lonely, and kept the intercom on to listen to Uhura sing and talk to his friends, is the only reason he survived Lenore poisoning him. He was able to call for help in time because he'd already reached out to other people. And it's in the wake of Riley's near-death that Spock is finally able to browbeat McCoy into (sort of) backing him in getting through to Kirk, their mutual friend, even if they relate to him in different ways. Spock's sharp question to Kirk just cuts through all the silence and scheming and bluster:
Why do you invite death?
This forces Kirk into an honest conversation about his plans and motives and what's going on with him. He's actually ambivalent until McCoy suggests letting it go, even if Karidian is Kodos—an option Kirk and Spock both sharply reject throughout the episode, but especially here:
MCCOY: What if you decide he is Kodos? What then? Do you play God, carry his head through the corridors in triumph? That won't bring back the dead, Jim. KIRK: No, but they may rest easier.
Apart from McCoy's struggle, the main implication here is that Kirk is considering not just a formal accusation against Karidian vs holding back due to insufficient evidence, but the third possibility of just straight-up murdering him. This would destroy Kirk's life as he knows it, of course, but he's at least considering that it may be the only way to make things right.
That choice wouldn't make him another Kodos by any stretch of the imagination, but it would reduce his existence to something entirely shaped by Kodos, by the genocide, by the genocide-apologia murders—by people who repeatedly suggest he's subhuman. Kirk has spent two decades crafting a life and personhood that isn't defined by what was done to him and Riley and Leighton and thousands of others, and he's on the edge of torching it all.
I think this is the real fundamental tension of "The Conscience of the King." The whodunnit of "Karidian is Kodos, but the murderer is Lenore" is far less central and compelling than what psychological path Kirk is going to take. He might choose pathological caution, demanding an impossible level of certainty that will let him avoid making the call and keep running; he might choose justice, making the accusation that all evidence in front of him as well as his own memory tells him is true, putting himself through reliving it as the older surviving eyewitness, but also living to see Kodos held accountable; he might choose vengeance, murdering a now-unarmed, elderly war criminal on the spot even if it means losing everything else that matters to him.
He's still hovering between those options as McCoy leaves the dispute. Spock, however, stubbornly stays with Kirk and keeps pushing. Because of that, Spock hears the hidden overloaded phaser that would have taken out the whole deck. That's what gives them enough time to evacuate the deck and safely dispose of the phaser. If Spock had noped out and gone back to the bridge or science labs, Kirk would have died. But Spock cares too much about Kirk and understands him too well to do that. Kirk survives because of his relationship with Spock.
It's the nearly-realized threat to Kirk's crew combined with the murder attempt against Riley that angers Kirk enough to abandon his schemes and just confront Karidian directly. The implication that Kirk is considering murder becomes explicit:
KARIDIAN: Blood thins. The body fails. One is finally grateful for a failing memory. I no longer treasure life, not even my own. I am tired! And the past is a blank. Did you get everything you wanted, Captain Kirk? KIRK: If I had gotten everything I wanted, you might not walk out of this room alive.
While all this is going down in Karidian's quarters, Riley has recovered in Sickbay from the poisoning. He happens to overhear McCoy's medical log mention that the motive for poisoning may be the possibility that Karidian is Kodos.
Riley, younger and more straightforward and impetuous, isn't afflicted by Kirk's indecision. He slips out, steals a phaser, and sneaks backstage to the Karidian players' performance, hearing enough of Karidian's speech to recognize him as Kodos and try to avenge his family. But as soon as Kirk receives reports about Riley's disappearance and the theft of the phaser, he knows what Riley has set out to do—the very thing he's been considering.
He orders Riley found and restrained, but seems to know this won't succeed, and rushes to the theatre himself. At this point, the stakes of the Kirk-Riley drama crystallize. Kirk's fixation on Riley's physical safety has always been short-sighted. The deliberate isolation of either himself or Riley has been a mistake from the beginning. The greatest danger to both Kirk and Riley has always been that either of them might self-destruct and assassinate Kodos, closing off the possibility of moving past him and what he did to them. Their lives would never be free of him.
Erin Horáková's famous "Kirk Drift" essay argues that the person most wholly defined by Kodos and the genocide at Tarsus IV is ultimately Lenore Karidian. Obviously, Kirk and Riley are in no danger of becoming the next generation of space Nazi genocide apologists. But they are in danger of their fundamental, autonomous, full personhoods—personhoods explicitly placed into doubt by both Kodos and Lenore—becoming reduced to monuments to Kodos, as Lenore's is. And I think that's a very fair reading.
The solution isn't for Kirk or Riley to kill him, nor for either to detach himself from the full horror of what happened. It's for Kirk to save Riley by personally finding and stopping him from reducing his life that way. I'm not sure anyone else alive could have gotten Riley to back down, nor that Kirk could have if they weren't finally in the same physical space. And I think the point at which Kirk stops Riley is the point at which we feel certain that Kirk isn't going to go down that path, either. It was for me, anyway!
I think it's also significant that the backstage conversation between Kirk and Riley is what triggers Kodos's attempt to confess to Lenore and express any kind of remorse for what he did. Like so many other like him, he thought he could unleash atrocities in his official capacity and then switch it off and have a normal family life, with an impermeable wall erected between the atrocities and his supposedly pure and innocent loved ones. But that was never going to happen, and Kodos is forced to face the reality that everything he touched was going to be tainted. Taking the shot intended for Kirk isn't redemptive; it's his only way out.
And that ultimate confrontation only happens because Kirk finally understood that protecting Riley meant more than keeping him alive.
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*Yes, I know this role was not originally written for that Riley. Irrelevant to the end result!
#me: this will just be a quick post about how it seems significant#that kirk and riley both seriously consider just murdering kodos and kirk goes from isolating riley and himself#because he can only understand saving riley in terms of physical safety - and isolation nearly gets riley and himself killed -#to saving riley by keeping him from doing what he himself is deeply tempted to do. and saving riley (for real in person) saves himself#i thought i'd write maybe three paragraphs in a morning#hahahaha. ha.#anghraine babbles#long post#star peace#james t kirk#kevin riley#spock#kodos#lenore karidian#star trek: the original series#anghraine's meta#tos: s1#tos: the conscience of the king#cw genocide#thomas leighton#c: who do i have to be#also though this is much more of a kirk episode it's interesting that this is such a good spock episode.#he's ethically instinctively and factually right about EVERYTHING at every turn
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How did you find the doctor(s) who assessed you for ADHD? Im looking into the process of getting diagnosed because (although ive suspected I might have adhd for years now) I've been struggling a lot more lately and i want to try medication to see if it helps at all. Im trying to search for psychiatrists through my health insurance portal but the the results im getting are all for child/adolescent psychiatry specialists, and I dont think that'll be much help for an adult adhd assessment? Did you have an established therapist to refer you for your assessment or were you able to find a psychiatrist independently?
I actually just kind of had to freeform it, but that does mean I have some tips to share!
I will say, I have never once used a health insurance portal to find someone to treat me for anything. Often their search engine is fucked up and the information is sometimes out of date. I almost always either ask someone who I know has had similar issues if they have a recommendation, ask my treating physician if I have one, or just google until I find someone reputable-looking; any qualified medical center or professional will list what insurance they take anyway, and you can always ask when you make the appointment.
So here's the process for how to do that!
When I was first considering it, I asked a friend who'd had an evaluation that came back not-ADHD, which I liked because it meant we knew it wasn't like, a weird Adderall pill mill or something. I really wanted to have a professional and thorough evaluation because I knew myself and knew I was capable of gaming a questionnaire. The place she had her evaluation was unfortunately having some staffing issues; part of the reason it took me so long is that I played phone tag with them for ages -- I'd call, and regardless of what time of day I called, their scheduler would be "out", so I'd leave a message and never get a call back. Ultimately I said "I really need to talk to a human, because your scheduler has not returned any of my numerous calls" and they said they could transfer me to another office outside of Chicago (in the burbs). That was not going to be accessible to me, so I told them thanks but I'll go somewhere else. Then COVID hit and I was not going to go anywhere near a medical center unless I had to for about two years.
So, when I was making my second serious run at getting evaluated, I did what might be expected of me by longtime readers of this blog: I made a spreadsheet.
I want to caveat this up top with REALLY IMPORTANT CONTEXT: I did not do all of this in a single day. The process from starting research to making an evaluation appointment took about a month, and probably would have taken longer if I wasn't getting somewhat desperate. Do not push yourself to do this as a single act. Research alone is a multi-day process; some days I looked at the open tabs and only entered one tab's worth of information. It took me quite a bit of time to write the form email I sent inquiring about an assessment. It took me time to call the clinic back when they asked me to call to book the appointment. This is a series of steps, not a single leap.
So!
I was looking for a clinic rather than an individual, in part because I'd heard a couple of horror stories about people who went to a psychiatrist and just got argued with for an hour instead of actually getting evaluated. So I googled, and here are some key terms for you, chicago adult adhd assessment. Chicago obviously for the region, but "adult adhd" (putting it in quotes will help) is the important term that will help you filter out a lot of child psych stuff. A lot of what I looked at did included family or child assessment/therapy but were clear that they also evaluated adults.
Then I went through every legit-looking search result and noted down, in my spreadsheet, the name of the clinic/company, the contact phone and email, the URL, the physical location (I needed to be able to get to it fairly easily) and whether they took my insurance. Even if they didn't take my insurance (all but one did) I still put them into the spreadsheet so that if I found them again I could check the sheet and know I didn't need to investigate further. I also tended to bump more legitimate and friendly-looking places to the top of the sheet. And if I were going to do it again I would also look for one specific thing, which is an assessment guide of some kind.
The assessment guide may be something they only give you after you speak with them, so it's not a no-go if they don't have one on their website, but it basically tells you what generally will go on during the assessment, how long it will take, and what you should bring. A full assessment like I had is estimated to take 4-6 hours and they recommended I wear layers so I wouldn't be overly cold/warm in their office, and to bring a snack. That's the kind of information you want, duration of the assessment and what they recommend for you, to ensure that you're working with people who are thorough and care about your comfort.
So, I have this spreadsheet now of places to reach out to, which I know take my insurance and do adult assessment. In the spreadsheet I also had columns for what date I contacted them and whether they'd responded. I started reaching out via email, one per day, with the form email I'd written.
The form email basically said "I'm 42 with no previous diagnosis but I have a family history of autism and dyslexia. I've been told I should get assessed for ADHD, so I'm looking for a clinic that will do the assessment and takes (my insurance). I prefer to be contacted by email but if need be, my phone number is (phone number). Please let me know if you have any open appointments and what information you will need from me to book an evaluation with you." (You can always ask for more information about the actual evaluation process once they respond.)
If I didn't get a response within 24 hours, I moved on to the next, but I only greyed out the text in that line of the spreadsheet; I didn't disqualify/remove the nonresponsive ones because again, I wanted to make sure I kept that information in case they eventually did respond. I did this with about ten clinics, because I figured I must be able to find at least one in ten who could do the eval, and I could go back and research more if necessary.
I think the third or fourth one I reached out to was the first to respond, and I ended up going with them; I had a very positive experience in the assessment itself but it was a real pain in the ass getting the documentation from them -- they took about a month to go through the evaluation data (this is not abnormal but is rather longer than usual according to my psychiatrist) and they gave me an in-person-by-zoom report once it was ready. That said, it took another four months and the threat of reporting them to the state to get them to send me the text of the eval (in part because the evaluator left the clinic unexpectedly with my formal report not yet written). But that's something that's truly impossible to know until you're working with them, and highly unusual, so don't let concerns about that deter you. If you end up in that situation come hit me up and I'll tell you how I dealt with that.
My eval recommended an executive function coach, but if I haven't been able to func it by now I never will, so I thanked them for the recommendation and went looking for a psychiatrist unaffiliated with the clinic to prescribe me meds. There, the key words you're going to be looking for are again "adult adhd" but also "adult disability" and if you want medication that's less likely to be a huge fucking hassle, "medication management". My psychiatrist and I meet every two months to reup my prescription, but he doesn't require me to take a regular drug test or meet him in person in order to get a new scrip, as some people have encountered. We meet in person once or twice a year (I can't remember, it's due to a legal requirement in Illinois) but otherwise it's over zoom.
So yeah -- it's a process, but there are ways to streamline and manage it, and a few tripwires in place to make sure you don't end up screwed by the system. Definitely feel free to ask if you have questions, either here or if you want a more indepth conversation you can email me at [email protected]. GOOD LUCK!
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